Affair or Scammed

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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 21 Sep 2016 Posts: 1

Hi, My wife was romance scammed for 5 months by a very romantic love bombing sociopath She seems very remorseful and we are trying to put our lives back together. At the time (January) , nothing seemed to be wrong with our marriage. We didn't live separate lives, we were together most of the day every day. We had a normal married relationship, we weren't fighting, we had sex almost daily, We were happy. She would talk to this scammer on her phone when she would cook dinner or ride her exercise bike. He would get her all hyped up romantically and she would take it out on me. She was feeling lonely and stressed because she doesn't have any friends where we currently live and our nearest family is a good distance away. He romanced her for over a month before asking for money. He asked her to marry him in two months and she said yes. Doesn't know why she said yes, she said she knew she didn't want to leave me and when he asked her to divorce me twice she refused. He would ask for money, she would refuse, He would hit her with something like "If I only had 60 seconds to live I would spend them telling you how much I love you." Then she would send the money.

She said when he first approached her on Facebook she was only looking for a friend to talk to, not a lover. I am at a loss to explain this. The people on the Affair Recovery forum say that she was having an affair, she is not a victim. I should approach this like dealing with a wayward spouse. They say she is unstable and not to be trusted. If she does not get professional counseling they say I should divorice her. Personally, I don't think this was a normal affair, she wasn't on a dating site, was not looking for it, was psychologically manipulated, They say that she went on with this for five months and could have backed out at any time. She maintains the affair would never had happened if she was not dealing with a professional scammer who convinced her that she was "missing out" on romance in her life because I was not "Love Bombing" her.

Is she a wayward spouse or a victim? How do we heal from this?

Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2016 10:05 pm

I can't give any advice on repairing your marriage, but

Quote:

She maintains the affair would never had happened if she was not dealing with a professional scammer who convinced her that she was "missing out" on romance in her life because I was not "Love Bombing" her.

that sounds really unfair to blame you for her becoming a victim of a scammer.

I would think professional counseling would be great advice.

Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 1:36 am

I would suggest you take this to www.scamwarners.com, post what you have above, and ask for advice.

We don't really deal with people who have been victims of scammers in this forum.

You have my full sympathy, but this is not within the bounds of what we do here.

Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 2:13 am

Scamwarners do not give advice on the state of peoples marriages either, so if the same OP was made there, it will be removed.

Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 2:43 am

ETA Removed a quote.

Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 3:10 am

I agree with BBB, this is not a job for bunch of strangers on the Internet, regardless of the website. We do not (nor we cannot) give marriage advice here.

As far as the scammer is concerned, B8er is right in saying that scamwarners.com is not marriage counseling website either, however, you are still welcome to post only details regarding the scam - that is details of the scammer, profile and photos he used etc. If he scammed your wife out of money, he's definitely trying to scam other people too and posting a warning there could help other such victims.

Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2016 10:13 am

Hi Wayvid,

We can't give you any advice on your marital situation. I'd suggest counseling, but that's a personal opinion.

What we can tell you is on line romance scamming is very common and your wife may have run into an experience scammer who's job is to extract money in any way possible. Nothing he told her about himself is true and those aren't his photos either. If she wants to go to SW and post his emails and pics, it might help other victims.

Because this is beyond what we do, I'm going to lock this thread.