My Father's Day request to my family

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Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 7:41 pm

This was my Father's Day request to my family. You other dads out there can feel free to use this on your own families.

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I know that you are guys are lying awake at night, racking your brains trying to figure out the perfect gift to give me this Father’s Day. Since I know that no one will directly ask me, I have taken it upon myself to answer this question for you. This gift idea will not cost a single penny. This gift idea will not take any of your time either. It is the most satisfying gift that any man could receive. You might call it “the gift of satisfaction”. What does that mean you ask? This means I would like to experience at least a single day of my life where I do not hear a single complaint about anything, from anyone. In other words, I want it to seem that everyone in my family is completely satisfied with every facet of their lives.

You’re thinking, “ha, that’s easy”. Really? You think so? This would mean that I will not hear things like, “I’m bored”, or “I’m hungry”, or “my {fill in the blank} hurts”, or “this show sucks”, or many more examples, audible or otherwise. Another example might be walking into a room where someone is doing/watching something that you don’t like, and you simply roll your eyes in disapprovement. You see, even body language can be used to gripe about something. Sarcasm counts too. You can’t walk into the room and go, “oh great… Star Wars! I love this movie. Only the coolest, smartest, and best looking people watch Star Wars”, when I know full well this is a full-on frontal assault and insult.

You guys think you can handle this? You think that you have the mental discipline to accomplish this? I triple dog dare you. And if you’d like to keep this interesting, I can keep a tally of any complaints I hear or see during Father’s Day, and assess a 5-pushup penalty per complaint… for all of you. This would mean that if even one of you complains about something, you ALL do 5 pushups for the complaint. This could really hurt if I hear my daily average of 100+ complaints.

Since Father’s Day is still a couple of days away, now would be a good time to ask any clarifying questions of me. If you do have a question, challenge yourself to asking in such a way that it does not sound like you are complaining.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

I have no complaints to offer.

I would counter complaints with wants:

To spend a day fishing with my son, which won't happen since I am in another state.

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

I request no more "Dad, your car needs gas." when the car is returned. Science has figured out where the gasoline is going and where it can be replaced, read the study.

Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 9:38 pm

I want a promise that my children will give me grandchildren. Not that I consider grandchildren to be a blessing. It's so I can watch them take their own shot at parenthood. They will no longer wonder why we just didn't murder them in their sleep when they were teens. We were waiting for a more satisfying revenge.

Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 11:10 pm

I'm good to go too as I will be going to see My Father and ask "What can I do to make your day a happy one Dad?"

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