Father Ted sends love poems to M@rriam G0b@h

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419Eater is my life Joined: 26 Jan 2014 Posts: 262

How exciting - my first ever romance bait! I began by replying to an e-mail I never got and heard back as follows:

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Hi Marri@m, I can't find your profile on the site [what site? who cares?] but I know some people don't use their real names for security. I'd love to know more about you and see your pictures. Here's hoping! Kev
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Hello Happy day to you, I am M@rriam i saw your profile today [amazing because there isn't one] and i like it very much,which makes me to write to you to let you know that i am interested in you,therefore i will like you to write me back so that i will tell you further about myself and send you also my picture for you to know me physically. I will be waiting for your reply.. wish you all the best for your day. Marr1am

M@rriam added:

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Dearest love. I am reaching you once again in order to make our contact reality. How are you nowdays? i hope fine. I am Miss M@rri@m G0bah 23 years old, i am undergraduate in general Nursing before unfortunate incident occurred along my way which brought setback in my educational career, but i am hoping to further my education in near future. I am also single and haven't gotten married, my natural colour is fair in complexion and of average height, i am from Ivory Coast in West Africa and presently residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal as a result of civil war that was fought in my country last three years.

The name of my Late father was Hon.Raphael Gobah,he was the managing director (Gobat Industrial company LTD) in Abidjan the federal capital city of Ivory Coast my country,and he was the personal adviser to the former head of state before the rebels attacked our house one early morning killing my mother and my father.

It is only me that is alive now then i have to run to nearby country where i am now residing in the refugee camp,haven't finished up my education and i need a some body who will make use of my fathers wealth and get me through in life, Do you think age is any bar to make such friendly relationship with you? If not, then stretch your hand to me to accept mine. i believe this enchanting relation will certainly bring the pleasure in our life for unlimited time. I would like to know more about you. Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing presently.

I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. I attached here my picture for you, though I am not all that photogenic, i hope you wouldn't mind. I wait to hear from you soonest.

Needless to say Marr1am is quite stunning. The girl's image (she must exist) is all over t'Internet and it is obviously not reproduced here. Father Ted replied to say:

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Dearest Marriam, You are beautiful - I can't believe it... Just what I have been looking for! I have to confess at once that my real name is not Kevin Sc@mpton it's Father Ted Crilly. I can't use my church e-mail for obvious reasons. I have been a priest for over 30 years but I shall be leaving the church later this year. It's not that I no longer love God, it's just that I need a woman in my life. Age is not important to me and if you can accept me as 57 years then I can love you as 23 years for ever. I am sorry to hear about your parents, tell me about it, With affection TED xxx

Father Ted obviously fell for the lovely Marri@m even before she told him about the $5.5million that her dead dad had deposited in a bank in Europe that she couldn't claim whilst stuck in the refugee camp (I will spare you the details) for want of just £250 to get a passport. Entrance stage left the Reverend Steve - the pastors tel number is 0022178-1666344 if you call and tell him that you want to speak with me he will send for me in the woman hostel:

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So i will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my traveling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you. I kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend Steve because he is like a father to me. So in the light of above i will like you to keep it within yourself and don't tell it to anyone because i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people get to know about it.

Father Ted established that hot sex was part of the deal - but he is too edgy about prurient curiosity to post the details here. There was some difficulty making contact with Reverend Steve (kept getting cut off) but the mere fact that Father Ted called seemed to calm M@rriam:

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I will like to hear your vice too on phone

There were a few days of to and fro - usual stuff between new lovers:

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My dearest I havent heard from you today and I live in terror that you have found another to replace me in your heart - write my darling, Ted

Marriam sent some Western Union payment details on Sunday (now there's a surprise). Father Ted couldn't send money but he sent a poem:

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My dear, The money for the passport will be no problem but the banks are shut today. Here is a gift I can give you now:

My love, my darling Mirriam
The mother of my Wirriam
So named because he'll look Chinese
And have the most unusual knees
But if our first born is a girl
Then surely we will call her Pearl
Another son will surely mean
That we will have a Pearl & Dean
Just like those ancient Odeon ads
We used to watch when we were lads
And if our children all are boys
We'll call one of them David Moyes
My love is living in Dakar
She cannot kiss me from afar
And so to get her cross the border
I'll send her cash by money order

Love me back my darling, Ted

Marriam replied (without noticing that I had called her Mirriam in my beautiful poem) to say:

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Hello darling, How are you today? How is your missionary work over there? How was your weekend too? Did you miss me? I hope all is well with you over there. I am more than happy after reading your last mail. You are the joy in my heart this moment. I thank God for the new week he brought us into. I pray for your good health and success from now till upwards. I thank you for your promise to send me the £250 to process my international passport. Try to send me the control number, question and answer immediately you send the money to senegal in order to receive it over here. I can't wait to see each other soon. I have noted the names that we are going to give our future children which you listed in your last mail. May God continue to join us together now and forever! Amen. I wait for good news from you. I wish you nice day. I love you. Kiss you. Miss you. Yours lovely, Marriam

So that's Wirriam, Pearl, Dean & David Moyes Crilly then...

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Darling, My weekend without you was agony, I cannot wait until you are with me so the very first thing I did today was send the money for your passport. The receipt is attached. Please my love, tell me that you will apply for it today - how long will it take? Stay blessed, Ted

There were some problems with the WU receipt which are best described by Marri@m's various e-mail subjects today:

I DID NOT SEE ANY ATTACHED RECEIPT
WE CAN NOT SEE HE CONTROL NUMBER VERY WELL
GO BACK TO THE WESTERN UNION
SEND YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER

Might be a delay until I post again about this because:

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My dearest, I am so sorry I put the receipt in the post. I was only trying to help you my love. You see I have never done a Western Union money transfer before and the people in the shop said to send you the receipt and you would know what to do with it. I thought that it would HELP to send you the receipt by post as well as by e-mail but I can see now what fool I have been - I have been blinded by my love for you.

I can't go back to Greggs in Cluckton (where the Western Union office is) today because I am now on a TRAIN to Harrogate for some God-forsaken HOLY CHURCH OF FISH & BREAD conference. It will be three days of prayer, meditation and discussion - normally I would be looking forward to it but all I can think about is YOU my darling, YOU! YOU! YOU! It will be so difficult to slip away to Western Union in Harrogate (even if I knew where it was - can you help?) because I will be with Father Dougal and Father Jack 24 hours a day. I am sitting in the lavatory on the train to send you this - just to get 20 minutes of privacy!!! Phone calls will be impossible until the weekend.

I have been PRAYING whilst sitting here and God has given me an answer! There will be an Internet connection at the seminary in Harrogate (we are a very modern church) so I should be able to do a direct bank transfer - I have all my passwords written in the back of my bible. I will send you £500 by bank transfer - so you can get your passport AND do a bit of shopping before you leave for the UK! How does that sound? When the £250 Western Union receipt arrives (by post) that should be enough to buy your ticket - if not just let me know and I will send you more by bank transfer.

When you land in MANCHESTER (that's the closest airport to Cluckton) I will be waiting for you and from then on your troubles will be over.

I will try to find the courage to tell Bishop Brennan that I will be leaving the church for (at long last) the love of a good woman. It's only the thought of your hot wet kisses all over my groaning body that will give me the confidence to break this news to him. With deepest love and God's blessings to you...

Ted xxxx

P.S. Please send me kisses when you reply

Sent from my Blackberry