What to do if we suspect the person isn't a scammer?

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Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:04 pm

I am sickly today (that'll teach me to hike to town in 0C weather and sleet 2 days after a fever), so I am slowly replying to the 4 or 5 'romancers' I'd gotten in Si's mailbox.

Most of them are clearly laddies out to get Si's honestly-earned money. However, and I don't mean the Seychelles dude, there's one guy who says he's from Tunisia, IP traces to Tunisia, and he is adding real photos of himself (he's ok looking and does look Tunisian), and isn't being either scripted or skeezy. I haven't been professing love to him or anything, just a few back-and-forth exchanges about are you single? and so what are you up to?

My question is - if we begin to suspect we hooked a real person, what do we do? I know I am not telling him I am baiting. Do I just tell him 'sorry I met someone else' and disappear, or do we have any other to-be-used nice exit strategy? I don't think he's too attached to Si atm, and I don't want to go there as I hate breaking actual guys' hearts for no reason.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:18 pm

Personally I would drop all contact as soon as possible. As far as being nice; well that's up to you but a simple 'Sorry no longer interested' should suffice.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:26 pm

Yeah, I hadn't written him back since I began thinking he might be a real person. I might say something polite like that. Now that I think of it, it may be a good litmus test too - I suspect a real person might leave Si be, while a scammer might break into love and copypasted crap.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:34 pm

I'm with OP on this one. I actually would pull a vanishing act. If you want to be nice, a "Sorrry, this just won't work" should do it.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:53 pm

*nod nod* Ok, going to send him a "sorry, this just won't work" and poof.

So far any that looked remotely real and wrote Si on FMF I simply ignored, but this one seemed more suspicious on there, which is how he got my email. Oh well.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 4:10 pm

If it is a real person, it's nice to let them down easy.

The easiest thing to do is something like:

"Sorry, I have been thinking about it, and I'm just not ready for a long-distance relationship. My (work/family/etc.) is here, and I really need to look for someone closer to home. I wish you the best in your search!"

A scammer will likely then try to give you the "distance doesn't matter" line, while a real person will generally back off (and if he doesn't, then you no longer have to be nice anyway since he clearly isn't respecting your wishes.)

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 4:29 pm

Dorothy, thanks!

Used your line and said 'life and family are here'. Let's hope that the guy finds someone nice closer to home, too. His IP puts him smack dab in the middle of Tunisia, and he actually sounded sort of lonely and nice.

Also, so far I've had 2 lads insult me by implying white people are racist. Makes me want to strangle the twats, esp. seeing how I used to date guys of other races in real life, and though it didn't work out, it had nothing to do with their bloody color or even culture.

Isn't it nice to hear that they think you might be a racist c*nt in one of the intro emails 'but hope you aren't' (not in those words). I've heard about reverse-racism, but never thought I'd meet it. Yuck yuckity yuck.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21155

Quote:

I've heard about reverse-racism

I used to think of it with that term but I have come to realize there is nothing reverse about that in people. They are just racist regardless of their color.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 5:26 pm

Good point.

Si got rather hurt by what they said, and told them so. We'll see what they reply!

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 5:59 pm

If that was the intro line, it's far less likely to be a lad, and more likely to be a perv or run-of-the-mill lowlife. Most lads have enough sense not to approach like that.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:21 pm

I had one lad tell me that Africans are bad people. I laid into "her" HARD! I don't put up with that crap.

Reverse racism is not a word or a correct phrase (reverse of racism is not being racist) Also, the phrase implies that only white people can be racists and that is patently not true. Every race can have racists.

Just remember that some of these lads are good. They are patient and will not ask for money for a few months. That's how they gain a victims trust. Then, when they do ask for money or cry some sob story, a victim would more likely believe them, because hey, you've known him for months online and have shared your most intimate details and vulnerabilities to them, they wouldn't scam you!! No way!

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:25 pm

Dorothy, wasn't the intro line - was 2nd or 3rd message where they went "white people don't like black people, wonder if you are like that" or some such shit.

As to me thinking the dude isn't a scammer? Scratch that. I think he IS a scammer after all:
Si wrote:

Quote:

I am sorry, I have been thinking about it, and I'm just not ready for a long-distance relationship. My family and life are here, and I really need to look for someone closer to home. I wish you the best in your search, though!

All the best,
Si

Twathead wrote back 2x messages in an hour:

Quote:

hi Si,
Thank you in advance for you trusty.
I wonder if distances can bother us, I can look for job there near you and live together ..So, I said that suggestion in order to look optimistic for life if we get better understand between ourselves.Also, I will apply from now for all financial positions (work) in your country... and till that moment , we will be near.....that is why i hope that you look optimistic to our future... I don't mean that you have to support me in any financial issues, just give me understanding and open heart.
Regards

Quote:

hello Si,
Please answer to my suggestion and i will be greatefull for your answer whatever it will be , juste get me informed by your way of thinking
Regards

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:54 pm

Most likely a scammer, but could just be looking for a way out of his country (basically looking to marry a citizen and get a visa.) There are plenty of both.

You can either just drop him completely, or say that you're not interested now but someday if he comes to your country he should look you up. (then just see if he magically arranges a trip to your country or another brand new local approaches you.)

I remember one nitwit I gave the distance line to (that's often my initial response, because the scammers almost always show their true colors ) immediately changed his location to match mine, expecting me not to notice that he moved halfway across the country the next day!

Some scammers CAN get nasty by the 2nd or 3rd chat if they think you aren't falling for it anyway.

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