Oops I insulted the 'Bank'

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Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 12:20 pm

The Cast

Peter Wong played by the Lad
3thel D1ckstuffer played by me
Lacaxia Bank played by the Lad
Banco CAM played by the Lad

Day 1
I picked a few NOKs out of surplus letters and sent them a bland I'm interested email, so I haven't even got a clue what I'm being offered here. The Lad responds -

Quote:

Please indicate by sending the following below to show your interest.

1.YOUR NAME
2.YOUR RESIDENT ADDRESS
3.YOUR OCCUPATION
4.YOUR PHONE NUMBER
5.DATE OF BIRTH
6.COUNTRY OF RESIDENT

Wong Peter

Ethel replies giving her details (I'm not going to bother posting it here)

Mr Wong replies with a very nice fake work id -

Quote:

Dear Friend,
Thanks a lot for your willingness to partner with me in pulling out my deceased client funds from my bank and also this is to acknowledge the receipt of your sent in information’s I have just forward it to my Attorney to begin work on the documentations that will put you as next of kin to my late client.

Be informed that the fact that you are a foreigner give you the privilege to stand in as my deceased client beneficiary as my deceased had no relation all his family died with him during the war and I can not use my relation because its no accepted here in Hong Kong. Also I am very confident that we will be able to establish the trust that is needed to complete this deal and all that I need for the time been is your willingness and commitment so that we can end this in the next one week.

What you need to understand about this transaction is that I will make sure that it passes through all international banking laws regards to this I will take care of all the expensive and the cost of retaining the service of my Attorney to give the transaction the proper documentation that is required to perfect the finishing. Your only obligation in this transaction will be to set up an offshore account that can accommodate these funds.

Quickly be informed that you will have to set up an Offshore account that can accommodate this 44.5M Dollars, with a principal bank that I will transfer the money to so that it will not raise eyebrows. The reason why you will have to set up this account with a principal bank is to by cut all the Government taxes and monetary monitory bodies and it won't raise any red flag.

Haven said that be informed that you will need some amount to set up this account with the principal bank as opening deposit as its been call base on the fact that its an Offshore account, this however will enable the account to accommodate the 44.5M dollars that will be transfer and the money will not bounce back to my bank.

I choose to make this plans clear to you so that you know the level of your commitment in this project, you have to trust me even as I have trust in you.
More so at this moment I am checking on all my principal banks to find out the cheapest that you can afford to deal with and when you have sent me your means of identification I will send you the bank details for you to make inquiry on how you can set-up the Offshore account.

Once again I like to thank you for the information’s sent in and don’t forget to send me your means of identification that carries your picture,Because We are actually talking about alot of money i will give below my bank web page and a
copy of my ID as attachment for your verification.

http://www.hangseng.com/e_about_us/board_of_directors.html

Please do not contact me via my office link as you know that this will tarnish my image
it has to be between you and i and nobody else, you may verify if i actually work here.
You should not call to my office because every call that comes in is been monitored by our
technical dept, so if you try to do that i will deny ever knowing you and this project.

I am anticipating to reading from you soonest.
Sincerely,

Wong Tung Shun Peter Jp

Ethel replies -

Quote:

I await your instructions on which bank to use.

Regards

Ethel

Mr Wong replies with details of the bank to use -

Quote:

Dear Friend
I really appreciate the confidence you reposed in me. I think it is time you open the account in the bank in Europe so that we will not be found wanting in that regard. I do hope you still realized the magnitude of this business and the need for us to maintain the confidentiality strictly. No matter what do not relate the true position of this transaction to this bank, please and please. Just simply say you wish to open an account with them. If they receive any credit in your favour they will inform you.
In this light, I am sending you the information of the bank so you can make enquiries on offshore/on-line account opening. I advice you like I said earlier that you open an account with the bank so that once the funds are released, it will be moved straight into your account and the transfer will not attract the monetary bodies, as the transfer be will seen as in-house (Same telex type with my Bank).You can then transfer the funds in safe bits to your local account for both of us. Please find below the banks information.
www.lacaixa.com
[email protected]
Contact Person Dr David morino(ENGLISH SPEAKING)
Director Of Operation
Tel.0034-634-157-668
Fax:0034-911-881-394
Send them this email below.

Whomever it may concern,

I am 3thel D1ckstuffer I got your Banking details from a close friend of mine,I intend to setup an offshore account within the next three days that can accommodate LARGE sums of money without any red flag.
NAME-
ADDRESS
TELEPHONE NUMBER
I will appreciate if my request is treated urgently as I do want this account under Three working days.

Thanks for your cooperation.

Sincerely
3thel D1ckstuffer

Day 2
Ethel writes to the bank as requested, using the exact wording that Mr Wong gave.

The bank reply -

Quote:

Attn,Value Customer
Since you do not have any existing account with us before, you are advised to fill out the off shore Account application form attached that will facilitate your account
set up in less than 72 hours, of when your filled form and payment confirmation of your choice of account listed below
We have (4) different type of off shore accounts types, and each with different Minimum Initial Deposit depending on which of the account you will like us to operate with us.

ACCOUNTS & THEIR MINIMUM DEPOSIT;
1) PLATINUM ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit of €2,080 Euros
2) CURRENT ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit of €1,550 Euros
3) PREMIUM ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit of €1,940 Euros
4) TIME DEPOSIT ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit$ €2,002 Euros

Be informed that all account has full option banking amenities whichInvolves having a Master Card, credit/debit balance print out andOverdraft. You are also required to send us a copy of identification and proof of the Insurance Certificate of the funds. NOTE that the mandatory minimum deposit Belongs to you as this will be in your account before crediting any funds you wish to transfer, this is to enable our KTT data base and recognized your account for onward transfer as you may wish to transfer swiftly to your nominated local account round the globe without delay.

If you cannot read in Spanish, be informed that as soon as you meet up the requirement, we will program your account for a special English page that will enable you read, and as well access your account for private or business use.

Mode of payment is through our accredited western union or money gram,but if you find it very difficult locating any close agent of the payment centre, please indicate that on your next email to enable me forward account details that will enable effect wire transfer through bank to bank for swift and easy transfer, we advise western union or money gram because the money can be pick up the same day, and it make your process very fast because with bank wire it will take maximum of three working day.

If you require any further clarification on the above, please contact me directly on telephone number below between the hours of 9am-5pm Spanish time (Mondays-Saturday) Please note that our Saturday banking is half day, we close 12 noon on Saturdays, you can email us directly on this email and your request will be attended as soon as possible,We also need your identification that carries your picture.

Please note that the LACAIXA BANK reserves the right to decline
Payments/transfers if any irregularities are noticed.

Thanks in advance for banking with us.
Thank you for banking with us.

Best Regards,

Dr Rafael Lambarti
Foreign Transfer Officer
Tel.0034-634-157-668
Fax:0034-911-881-394

As the bank is based in Spain, Ethel replies in Spanish -

Quote:

Buenos días,

Desafortunadamente, no había formulario de inscripción adjunto a su email. Podría usted remitirme por favor uno.

También, podría usted explicar las diferencias entre las cuatro cuentas que usted ofrece.

Gracias

Ethel

Which for anyone who doesn't speak Spanish (and is to lazy to BabelFish it) says -

Good morning,

Unfortunately, there was no application form attached to your email. Please can you send me one.

Also, can you explain the difference between the four accounts that you offer.

Thanks

Ethel

The bank reply and attach an application this time -

Quote:

Attn,Value Customer
We are sorry sir,for not attach the form in the forst place bear with us sir we are at your service.
1) PLATINUM ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit of €2,080 Euros In this account you can trade and save anything precious metal.

2) CURRENT ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit of €1,550 Euros In this bsorption, balance of payments (BOP), balance of trade (BOT), consolidated fund, drawing account,savings and loan (S&L) association, two tier market, checking account

3) PREMIUM ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit of €1,940 Euros In this account you can move any amount from one place to another around the glob.
4) TIME DEPOSIT ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit$ €2,002 Euros In this account you can save any amount with us for a specific time before you can withdrawn.

Best Regards,

Dr Rafael Lambarti
Foreign Transfer Officer
Tel.0034-634-157-668
Fax:0034-911-881-394

Ethel has a few more questions before she can decide which account to open -

Quote:

El doctor Lambarti,

Gracias por su email. Antes de que pueda decidir para que qué cuenta vaya, puede usted contestar por favor a unas par de preguntas para mí.

1. ¿Para su CUENTA del PLATINO, puede este dinero del almacén así como el metal precioso?
2. ¿Puedo tener sexo con su esposa e hijas?
3. ¿Están sus cuentas libres de impuestos y de interferencia de los enanos?
4. ¿Usted duerme con las cabras?

Una vez que recibo una contestación a mis preguntas decidiré qué cuenta requiero y terminaré su formulario de inscripción.

Tenga un día agradable

Ethel

Which translates as -

Doctor Lambarti,

Thank you for the email. Before I can decide which account to go for, can you answer a couple of questions for me please -

1. For the PLATINUM ACCOUNT can this store money as well as precious metal?
2. Can I have sex with your wife and daughter?
3. Are your accounts free from taxation and interference by dwarves?
4. Do you sleep with goats?

Once I receive a reply to my questions I will decide which account I require and will complete your application form.

Have a nice day

Ethel

Day 3
Got no reply from the bank, so Ethel sent an email to Wong

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong, Just to let you know that I am still waiting for the bank to answer a couple of questions before I complete their application form.

Regards

Ethel

Day 5
Still no reply from anyone, so Ethel tries Wong one last time -

Quote:

Mr Wong,

I don't seem to be able to get any reply from the bank - are we still proceeding with this business?

Ethel

Mr Wong replies -

Quote:

Hello Friend,

Please may i ask what is this question that you ask the bank?

Ethel replies, suitably vaguely -

Quote:

I can't remember exactly what I asked them as I can't find the original email now, but it was things like the tax status of their accounts.

Ethel

Mr Wong replies -

Quote:

Hello Friend,

Kindly write them back again?

Day 6
So Ethel replies -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

I will resend my email to them and copy you in for information.

Regards

Ethel

And Ethel resends her last email to the Bank (copying in Wong)

Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 12:23 pm

Day 7
Ethel still hasn't heard anything from the bank, so she writes to Wong again -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

I have still heard nothing from the bank. I think this is very rude of them, I took the trouble of getting a friend to translate my email into Spanish to make it easier for them and they don't even bother to reply.

I have found a phone number for their United Kingdom office on their website, so I think that I will give them a call later on and make a complaint about Dr Rafael Lambarti and his lack of response.

As this is delaying things, I think we might be better advised to use a different bank. What do you think?

Ethel

Mr Wong replies and it looks like he knows how to BabelFish -

Quote:

Hello Friend,

I translated what you wrote it was an insult message i wounder why you wrote that well i can see you are not with me.

So Ethel replys, surprised at what she is hearing -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

What do you mean that it is an insult message? I told my friend the 4 questions that I had and he then typed the Spanish for me.

As I said before I asked a friend to translate it for me as I do not speak Spanish.

I'm not sure what you are saying about not being with you.

Regards

Ethel

Mr Wong replies -

Quote:

Hello Friend,

This is what you forward to me?translate it your self and get back at me why dont you call the bank your self.

Ethel doesn't know Spanish, so how can she translate it -

Quote:

Dear Sir,

As I have previously said, I don't speak Spanish, so it is not possible for me to translate the text. Also it will be pointless me calling the bank as they probably won't understand what I am saying.

I will ring the UK branch on the number that I got from the web site and (if what you are saying is true) I will apologies to them for the contents of my email to Dr Rafael Lambarti.

Regards

Ethel

Mr Wong replis and he wants to use another account now -

Quote:

Hello Friend,

iam giving you another bank now,write them in english and they will understand ok hope to hear from you soon.
BANK: Caja de Ahorros del Mediterráneo (CAM)
ADD: Servicio de Reclamaciones del Banco de España Alcalá 50
28014 Madrid, España
TEL: 34 634 183 821
FAX: 34 902 100 113
www.cam.es
EMAIL: [email protected]
OFFICER: Antonio Cruz. (CAM)

Ethel replies to Mr Wong -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

I have spoken to my friend who did the translation for me and it appears that he thought it would be funny to change my translation so that it asked rude questions. So apologies for that.

I will contact the new bank, and this time I will do it all in english.

Regards

Ethel

And then writes to the new bank using the format that Wong gave her previously.

Mr Wong replies and it looks like he's not impressed by Ethel's friend -

Quote:

Hello Friend,

Apologie accepected are you sure you can handle this money,because you are already handly things like a kid pardon me for the word it is what i think.

Wong Peter

Ethel replies to assure him of her capabilities -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

Don't worry, the problems before were caused by a friend who thought that he was being funny. Obviously, he didn't know what our busines was so he didn't realise the consequences of his actions.

Regards

Ethel

Day 8
Wong replies and he's still not happy.

Quote:

Hello Friend,
With due respect i will like to know if you are still with me or not thank?

And the new bank reply with a form to be completed -

Quote:

BANCO CAJA DE AHORROS DEL MEDITERRANEO(CAM)
C / ALCALA 50 , 28014
MADRID-SPAIN

REF: ES/102009

Attn: Mr. 3thel D1ckstuffer,

Sir,
With reference to your mail dated 31/03/2009 , we the afore-mention bank, Find attached the Application account open form ,filling the spaces and send along with a copy of your international passport.

Yours faithfully,

Sr. Joan Manuel Serrat.
Director of Transfer Department

For:
Management
Banco CAM(Madrid-Spain)

Ethel replies to the bank with the completed form -

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Please find attached your completed application form.

Regards

Ethel

And then replies to Wong -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

Yes I am still with you. I have written to the bank and am waiting to hear back from them.

Regards

Ethel

Day 10
Wong writes (looks like he's a bit out of his depth) -

Quote:

Hello Friend,
With due respect i will like to know if you are still with me or not thank?

Ethel replies to Wong to update him -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

Yes I am astill with you, but the bank seem to be very slow at processing applications. I will get in touch with them now and find out what is going on.

Regards

Ethel

And writes to the bank to chase them up -

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I would be grateful if you could update me on the progress that has been made with my application.

Thank you

Ethel

The bank reply a few hours later and they want some money -

Quote:

BANCO CAJA DE AHORROS DEL MEDITERRANEO(CAM)
C / ALCALA 50 , 28014
MADRID-SPAIN

REF: ES/102009

Attn: 3thel D1ckstuffer,

Madam,
With reference to your mail dated 02/04/2009 , we the afore-mention bank wish to inform you that the verification process has been completed, based on the opening of Non-Resident account in your favor.

We hereby inform your person that you need to make the payment of 0.01 % of your total sum of your Initial Deposit, before we can now proceed and open your demand deposit account, do let us know when you are ready to send the said amount of your demand deposit account which is 4,450 USD (Four Thousand Four Hundred Fifty Dollars Only), as soon as we receive this payment we now setup the account in your favor and all the details of the account will be send to you immediately as well as your Gold credit card.

NOTE: Scan a copy of international passport and 2 passport pictures very important.

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Lefol Luc-Jean
MD of A/C Open Department

For:
Management
Banco CAM(Madrid-Spain)

Time to cause some confusion. Ethel sends this to Wong -

Quote:

Dear Peter,

Please see the attached from the Bank.

Please arrange for the sum of $4,450 to be transferred to the new account.

Many thanks

Ethel

Wong replies, looks like he's not impressed with paying the money for the bank -

Quote:

Hello Friend,

This is your only obligation if you are really interested to help,this account you are opening is yours what ever you are sending now is your money,you can withdrawn the money when ever you want to and make sure you give them your real name to open the account,my dear friend try your possible best from your end and take care of everything in the opening of the offshore account ok my friend hope to hear from you soonest and thanks for your co operation.

Wong Peter.

Ethel replies -

Quote:

Sorry, but I don't have $4,450 to send them. Please take this amount out of the $44,500,000 and send that to the bank.

Many thanks

Ethel

Wong replies with his standard response when things start getting difficult -

Quote:

I guess you are not with me?

Day 11
Ethel replies to Wong -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

I'm not quite sure what you are on about here. I have simply told you that the bank want some money to open the account and that I do not have it.

It makes sense to me that, as you have $44,500,000 sitting in an account, you send them it in two payments ($4,450 first) rather than the one transfer that you were initially thinking of doing.

If there is a reason why you can't do this then let me know.

Ethel

Wong replies with a good reason why he can't use the money to open the account -

Quote:

Hello Friend,

Does it make since that you want want me to take at of the deposit,my dear friend please with due respect i dont want to leave any trace,is for my safty what ever money to are paying out to open this account is still yours my friend,try from your own end and get it don thanks.

Wong Peter.

Ethel's had a good idea, so she writes to Wong -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

Don't worry, I will get the bank's phone number from their web site and I will telephone them on Monday. I will explain to them that very shortly I will be transferring $44,500,000 into the account and ask them to waive the requirement for a small opening deposit. I am sure that once they understand how much money is going into the account, they will be more than willing to assist.

If for any reason they are not willing to waive the deposit, then I will contact my own bank and discuss opening an account with their offshore subsidiary.

Regards

Ethel

Wong replies again

Quote:

Hello Friend,

By doing this iam creating a room for trace this is why i needed you to open this account in the forst place without me knowing how you did it or what to do,all i need from from you when you are don with the bank send me the account for me to complete my mission,kindly try from your own end and get it open and send me the information thanks hope to hear from you soonest.

Wong Peter.

Ethel replies, reiterating that she will ring the (real) Bank -

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

Yes, what you are saying makes sense, we don't want to alert people to what we are doing do we.

Don't worry, as I said in my other email, I will get the bank's phone number off their web site and I will give them a call tomorrow morning. Hopefully they will agree to waive this requirement in view of the large deposit that I will be making once the account is open.

I will let you know what is happening once I have spoken to them.

Regards

Ethel

Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 12:25 pm

Day 12
Mr Wong replies in a confused sort of way

Quote:

Hello Friend,

Kindly update me please?

Day 13
Ethel replies advising that the Bank don't need the minimum deposit

Quote:

I spoke to the bank and they confirmed that in view of the large deposit that I would be making, there would be no need for me to make the minimum deposit.

They are going to find out who is dealing with my account and ask them to send me my account details.

Regards

Ethel

Wong is now clearly confused (what a shame)

Quote:

Hello Friend,

Sorry to say iam not geting you clear who is dealing with your account you say pls explain better to me.

Ethel replies

Quote:

The person at the bank who is dealling with the opening of my account should be writing to me to provide me with the account details so that we can make the transfer.

Wong replies

Quote:

Thanks my friend where you able to meet up with their requirement

Ethel replies again

Quote:

I am waiting for them to write to me.

Wong replies again

Quote:

Ok my friend await to hear from you soonest please this time let me get a possitive result this time.

Time to cause a bit more confusion and panic for Wong

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

I am now very confused. I have just had a phone call from the bank and they have told me that they have no trace of an application in my name, so they asked me who I had been dealing with. I gave them Dr. Lefol Luc-Jean's name and they told me that they had no one by that name working for them. They have asked me to forward all the email that I have received from him to a new address ([email protected]).

I don't know where you found the contact details for that bank, but I'm concerned that they are fraudulant and are trying to steal our $44.5 million.

Do you think that we should look for a different bank?

Regards

Ethel

Wong clearly doesn't understand what is happening

Quote:

Hello Friend,

You dont have to listing to anybody else this world we leave is a very difficut world that is why i gave you that bank because i trust them,follow my intruction the money will be safe in this bank i gave to you ok.

Wong Peter.

Ethel reiterates what she said before

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

I do not think you understand me properly. I have spoken to some one at BANCO CAJA DE AHORROS DEL MEDITERRANEO on the phone and they have told me that the email address [email protected] is not a legitimate email address for their company (all of their email addresses end @cam.es).

Therefore the contact details that you were given for this bank are fraudulant - some one is trying to steal our $44,500,000.

It is a good thing that I did not send them any money as they would probably have stolen that as well as the $44,500,000.

What I need now from you is the legitimate contact details of a bank so that I can set up the account to receive the fund transfer.

Regards

Ethel

Wong replies, and we're back to the original bank

Quote:

Hello Friend,

www.lacaixa.com
Email;[email protected]
Contact Person Dr Rafael Lambarti
Director Of Operation
Tel.0034-634-120-615
Fax;0034-911-881-394.

Contact this bank

Ethel is worried about using them

Quote:

But I have already been in touch with them and they refused to answer me after my stupid friend translated my questions into rude Spanish.

I don't think that they will deal with me again.

Ethel

Wong replies, and he thinks that the bank will want Ethel as a customer

Quote:

Hello My Friend,

Just try and write them is a bank they are willing to have customer so you are their customer

So Ethel writes to the bank

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I am interested in opening an account with you. Please can you provide me with some details.

Thank you

Ethel

The bank reply

Quote:

Our ref:LCB/02-J/1065/ES
Your ref: LCB/46/47-0062
www.lacaixa.com
Dear Value Customer,

Attn,3thel D1ckstuffer,

This is to inform you that we have received your mail and your enquiry on how to open an offshore account. Since you do not have any existing account with us before, you are advised to fill the off shore application form attached that will facilitate your account set up in less than 72 hours, of when your filled form and payment confirmation of your choice of account listed below
We have (4) different off shore accounts types, and each with different minimum deposit depending on the volume ammount of your transaction.
ACCOUNTS & THEIR MINIMUM DEPOSIT;
1) PLATINUM ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit of$2,080 USD
2) CURRENT ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit of $1,550 USD
3) PREMIUM ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit of $1,940 USD
4) TIME DEPOSIT ACCOUNT: This has a minimum deposit$ 3,002 USD

Be informed that all account has full option banking amenities which
involves having a Master Card, credit/debit balance print out and
overdraft. NOTE that the mandatory minimum deposit Belongs to you as this will be in your account before crediting any funds you wish to transfer,this is to enable our KTT data base and recognized your account for onward transfer as you may wish to transfer swiftly to your nominated local account round the globe without delay.
If you cannot read in Spanish, be informed that as soon as you meet up the requirement, we will program your account for a special English page that will enable you read, and as well access your account for private or business use.
Mode of payment is through our accredited western union or money gram,but if you find it very difficult locating any close agent of the payment centre, please indicate that on your next email to enable me forward account details that will enable effect wire transfer through bank to bank for swift and easy transfer, we advise western union or money gram because the money can be pick up the same day, and it make your process very fast because with bank wire it will take maximum of three working day.

If you require any further clarification on the above, please contact me directly on telephone number below between the hours of 9am-5pm Spanish time (Mondays-Saturday) Please note that our Saturday banking is half day, we close 12 noon on Saturdays, you can email us directly on this email and your request will be attended as soon as possible.
Please note that the LACAIXA BANK reserves the right to decline
Payments/transfers if any irregularities are noticed.
Thanks in advance for banking with us.
Thank you for banking with us.
Best Regards,
Angela Morrison
For Dr Rafael Lambarti
Director Of Operation
Tel:0034-634-120-615
Fax;0034-911-881-394

Ethel isn't sure what sort of account she wants

Quote:

Please can you explain the differences between the 4 accounts so that I can choose which one to open.

Thank you

Ethel

Day 14
Wong replies with his usual question when he doesn't know what is happening

Quote:

Hello My Dear Friend,

With due respect kindly let me know if you are still with me?

Day 15
Ethel replies

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

I really don't think you bother reading my emails, you just seem to send out the same reply asking if I am with you.

If you put your brain into gear and re-read my email, you will see that I have said that I am waiting for the bank to get back to me. There is not really much I can do, I send them reminders, but they just seem to ignore me. Perhaps they are discriminating against me because I am not Spanish.

Regards

Ethel

Wong replies

Quote:

Hello Friend,

Kindly forward to me what they send to you

Ethel forwards a copy of her email to the bank to Wong

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong,

As requested, here is the email that I sent to the bank, that I have yet to receive a reply to.

Regards

Ethel

Wong replies

Quote:

Ok my friend,

I guess they will reply you of your email.

Day 19
Wong is obviously clueless about what is happening

Quote:

Hello friend,

What are we still waiting for?

Wong Peter

Ethel replies

Quote:

The bank that you suggested we use have still not replied to me about opening the account.

To be honest, if they are so incompetent that they can't even answer simple questions about their products, then it doesn't fill me with confidence in their ability to look after my money.

I think that in the morning I will contact my own bank over here in the States and ask them to open a suitable account for me.

Ethel

Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 12:27 pm

Day 20
Surprise Surprise, the bank finally reply

Quote:

Our ref:LCB/02-J/1065/ES
Your ref: LCB/46/47-0062
Dear Value Customer,

Attention ,3thel D1ckstuffer

We acknowledged your mail ,We apologies for the late response this was due to the volume of work before the Easter Holiday ,we could have call you on the phone but there was no phone contact in your previous mail ,However regarding your question ,the Minimum Initial deposit depend on Individual .But the volume of transaction and amount of funds withdrawal depends on the type of Account operated

Current Account, this is type of account mainly operated by an individual, the individual can only withdrawn or transfer within 500, 000 to 5million Euros within a Month but the Bank must be notify before any transaction more than 100,000 Euros can be effected

While in other Accounts like Premium, Platinum and Time Deposit Account ,there is no limit in the amount of deposit and withdrawal at any time ,in-short the individual have absolute control of the Account with out interference from the Bank ,However in the case of Time Deposit Account ,this account can only be operated by Corporate Institution and it require more than one signatory before it can be open or any funds is withdrawn .Depend on the volume of funds and transaction you will like to operate with us the various types of account giving will guide you in selecting the most suitable choice of account you want to operate with us .

If you have further question do not Hesitate to contact us or you drop your contact telephone number ,one of our staff will give you a call for further information

We look forward to more enduring Banking relationship with you .
.
Best Regards,
Angela Morrison
For Dr Rafael Lambarti
Director Of Operation
Tel:0034-634-120-615

Fax;0034-911-881-394

Ethel replies

Quote:

Thank you for your email.

I would like to open a Time Deposit Account then please.

Thank you

Ethel

The bank reply and it looks like they want a form filled in

Quote:

Our ref:LCB/02-J/1065/ES
Your ref: LCB/46/47-0062
Dear Value Customer,
Attention ,3thel D1ckstuffer
We acknowledged your quick response to our mail .However you have to complete the account opening application form and send it with your any valid identity card for our Account Department to commence your Account opening procedure .
As soon as we received the completed Account application we shall send you the payment instruction for the for the Minimum Initial Deposit base on the type of Account you have chosen (Time Deposit Account)
We look forward to more enduring Banking relationship with you .
.
Best Regards,
Angela Morrison
For Dr Rafael Lambarti
Director Of Operation
Tel:0034-634-120-615
Fax;0034-911-881-394

Oh dear, Ethel doesn't seem to have a form

Quote:

Dear Sirs,

I do not seem to have one of your account opening application forms. Please could you send me one.

Thank you

Ethel

The bank reply with an application form attached

Quote:

Our ref:LCB/02-J/1065/ES
Your ref: LCB/46/47-0062
Dear Value Customer,

Attention ,3thel D1ckstuffer.

We acknowledged your quick response to our mail .Attached is the Account Application form for your perusal ,Read carefully and complete it and send it either by fax or email attachment

We look forward to more enduring Banking relationship with you .
.
Best Regards,
Angela Morrison
For Dr Rafael Lambarti
Director Of Operation
Tel:0034-634-120-615
Fax;0034-911-881-394

Ethel replies with the completed form

Quote:

Dear Sirs,

Thank you for your email. Please find attached your completed application form.

Thanks

Ethel

Day 21
The bank reply, providing a means of payment. I like it when I get a Closed lad accounts

without having to do any asking

Quote:

Our ref:LCB/02-J/1065/ES
Your ref: LCB/46/47-0062.
Dear Value Customer,

Attention;.3thel D1ckstuffer..

We acknowledged your completed account opening form ,We have forwarded your information to the Account Department to commence the creation of your online Account ,Meanwhile to enable us complete your account opening procedure ,you have to make available the Minimum Initial Deposit of $1550 been the cost of setting up a Current Account which is the lowest offshore account we operate in our Bank .You can make the payment for the Minimum Initial Deposit (MID) to our Cash receiving officer in the Account Department with the information below.

However this is the payment instruction if you prefer to make the payment either through WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER or MONEY GRAM close to your location.

Name; Sylvia Evans.

Address; Paseo Del Deleite 42 28300 Aranjuez Madrid ,Spain

If you find it difficult locating any of this agent close to you ,I will advice you make the payment through our Bank by Wire transfer with the following details .



We look forward to more cordial Banking relationship with you .

Best Regards,
Angela Morrison
For Dr Rafael Lambarti
Tel:0034-634-120-615
Fax:0034-911-881-394

Ethel replies, and she's going for the wire transfer option

Quote:

Dear Sirs,

I am not sure where the nearest Western Union or Money Gram offices are, so I will wire the money directly to your nominated bank account.

Thanks

Ethel

Wong gets in touch to find out what is happening

Quote:

Hello My Dear Friend,

Please let me know what is going on to transfer this money from my bank it is less than 24 hours what are we waiting for have you still not don with the bank yet please let me know thanks and hope to hear positive answer this time.

Wong Peter.

Ethel replies, letting him know that he's got a few days to wait for his money

Quote:

Dear Mr Peter,

I have now sent my completed application form to the bank and have arranged for their account opening fee to be sent to them.

My bank say that it should take between 3 and 5 days to arrive in their bank account.

Regards

Ethel

Wong replies, he would rather the money was sent by WU or MG (I bet he would)

Quote:

Hello Friend,

You could have use western union or money gramm to make things faster, i want to roundup this transertions this week i have been having sleepless night and i will contiune to have sleepless night as long as this money is still in my bank please try and work things out quickly thanks.

Wong Peter.

Ethel replies, should she get a refund from the bank?

Quote:

Dear Mr Wong Peter,

The bank gave me the option of using Western Union/MoneyGram or a direct bank transfer. I've never used Western Union or MoneyGram before, but have heard bad things about them, so I felt it would be safer to do a direct transfer.

I've already sent the money, so there's not much I can do. Unless you think I should go to my bank and cancel the transfer?

Regards

Ethel

Wong replies

Quote:

Hello Friend

Is ok my dear if you say is safer i was only thinking about the way quicker, have you sent the payment slip to that bank if you have not you better do that right now,thanks once again for your co operation.

Wong Peter

Ethel replies to let Wong know that a payment slip is not available

Quote:

Dear Wong Peter,

I don't have a payment slip yet, as my branch is only a sub-branch, so they have to send the paperwork to the Regional Branch for processing. The transfer confirmation will be sent to me in a couple of days.

Regards

Ethel

Day 22
The bank get in touch

Quote:

Our ref:LCB/02-J/1065/ES
Your ref: LCB/46/47-0062
Dear Value Customer,

Attention ,3thel D1ckstuffer.

We sent you a payment instruction regarding your offshore Account openning yesterday ,Could you please inform us if you did recieve the payment instruction and also when the Minimum Initial Deposit will e paid to enable us complete the Account openning procedure.

We wait for your prompt response .

We look forward to more enduring Banking relationship with you .
.
Best Regards,
Angela Morrison
For Dr Rafael Lambarti
Director Of Operation
Tel:0034-634-120-615
Fax;0034-911-881-394

Ethel lets the bank know the money has been sent

Quote:

Dear Sirs,

Yes I can confirm that a money transfer to the account number that you gave was arranged yesterday.

Regards

Ethel

Now the bank are asking for a copy of the payment slip

Quote:

Our ref:LCB/02-J/1065/ES
Your ref: LCB/46/47-0062
Dear Value Customer,

Attention ,3thel D1ckstuffer.
We acknowledged your mail regarding the payment ,could you please send us the payment receipt either
by fax or through email attachement for our record purpose
We wait for your prompt response .
Thank you for Banking with us .
Best Regards,
Angela Morrison
For Dr Rafael Lambarti
Director Of Operation
Tel:0034-634-120-615
Fax;0034-911-881-394

Ethel fobs them off with the same excuse she gave Wong

Quote:

Dear Sirs,

As my branch is a sub-branch they have to send International transfers to the Regional Branch Office for processing. The Regional Branch Office will be sending me the transfer confirmation in a couple of days.

Regards

Ethel

The bank reply

Quote:

Our ref:LCB/02-J/1065/ES
Your ref: LCB/46/47-0062
Dear Value Customer,
Attention ,3thel D1ckstuffer.
We acknowledged your mail regarding the payment ,Once you have the receipt please do send it across for our record purpose .We appreciate your prompt response ..
Thank you for Banking with us .
Best Regards,
Angela Morrison
For Dr Rafael Lambarti
Director Of Operation
Tel:0034-634-120-615
Fax;0034-911-881-394

Day 23
Wong wants to know what is happening

Quote:

Hello Ethel,

Can you please give me am update for me to know what is going on,hope to hear from you soonest thanks.

Wong Peter

Ethel replies

Quote:

Dear Wong,

I assume that the Bank are waiting for my payment to arrive, so that they can open the account for me.

Regards

Ethel

And that's as far as we've got so far.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 24 Apr 2009 Posts: 4

Very nice. Great character. clapping

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