Pastor Denis, from Accra

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Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

This is so wonderful! Think this 'pastor' is well up to the calibre of 'Pastor Omar, Hero of the TWAT'. It's been a long time since we have seen such good potential in a 'pretend pastor'.

Many congrats, Birlic. bow_down

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 2:00 pm

Congrats!

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 2:55 pm

Just popped in and saw where this has gone. Brilliant work, Birlic. Truly inspiring.

Bravo.

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 3:59 pm

The Bench of Admiration brought a tear to my eye, I was laughing so hard! You have the knack for truly masterful baiting, sir.

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Jun 2015 Posts: 1738

Where do you keep finding these 'religious' lads.... Laughing

Any chance we can see this one out doing some street preaching with a big banner?

clapping

Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 9:50 pm

bobbybobby wrote:

Any chance we can see this one out doing some street preaching with a big banner?

And there has to be a double entendre or two on the banners - "Give MIUE to the masses!" and "Keep MIUE forever in your mouth!" and "You will never forget the sweet taste of MIUE!"

Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 5:59 am

^^^ Well, thanks to all! clapping

... YES, indeed, a big banner with some "nice" words can be possible.
Maybe: MUIE, a sweet and pleasant memory of my life! ??? Twisted Evil

Very early in this morning, Denis has sent a short message to the TSC headquarter:

Quote:

ok thanks,i have been able to track it and its now in London.

That's that magical moment when my CCM (customer care manager) Claude enter in the scene. Laughing

Quote:

PACKAGE NOTIFICATION - tracking code: XYLFIMC31OW4USXX

Dear DAVID_AMOO,

The parcel # XYLFIMC31OW4USXX was processed and is now in the custody of TSC for international shipping to the declared destination.

The Receiver has been notified by email and he can track himself the package through our company website using the tracking number previously communicated.

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.

Claude Postumier

Customer Care Manager,

( In case of emergency you can also use my address: <snip> )

===================

08.00 - Old Chancellor Eduard, to Denis:

Quote:

Good morning, my dear son! Be blessed!

I hope that today we will see other wonderful proofs of your Faith... maybe you will even be able to finish the "Lord's work" with your whole parish's team? I hope so!
Some of our MUIE's Reverends have chosen to cover the Pyramid with tiles / marble / etc... others, have cement-coated and painted using the colors on the national flag.
Have you figured out how you would finish the outside of the pyramid after it's ready?

After completing the Baptism Ceremony, I would like to make a proposal that will involve a lot of work and a lot of responsibility for you.
But, I do not want to anticipate anything because not even God made the world in one day!

Be blessed, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Eduard

Not quite a Newb Joined: 22 Apr 2018 Posts: 27

Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 9:27 am

If* there should be any more Lads brought into the Church in the near future who happen to be from outside Ghana, they should be directed to this lot to receive their funds and/or care packages.

*I almost wrote when.

Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 9:54 am

What an ecxellent idea indeed Very Happy

He should provide the geolocation data to make this possible

@Birlic: maybe MUIE could stand for "My unique initial experience"

Elite Baiter Joined: 17 Jun 2015 Posts: 1738

Quote:

Thank you for using TSC, the finest in 5-Star Customer Service.

This line always makes me chuckle.... Laughing

Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 2:12 pm

Assuming that these guys build a pyramid/monument of faith, then maybe Ezze could be shown these pictures as an example of what to do, although I feel as if Ezze will collapse after the third safari. I am excited to see if we get a pyramid, and after that, the holy consecration ceremony should be interesting.

Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 2:41 pm

I truly believe this lad is destined to become the next high bishop in Africa. Praise MIUE!

P.S. The "Give MIUE to the masses!" banner gets my vote, although "Giving MIUE to the multitude!" might sound a bit more Biblical.

Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:02 pm

He needs to get out and do some rituals and baptisms with his pyramid. Out of all of the TWAT/MUIE lads there have been so far, I don't think there have been any that have baptized other random people or done tons of weird rituals. This has to change, especially considering how compliant this lad is. Also, once he completes the pyramid, more church members and other people will need to be involved with dear Denis; after all, now that his position in the church will be elevated, he has a lot more responsibility to deal with. Time will tell...

Posted: Thu May 24, 2018 8:23 pm

His admission to the Church (and the "designation" as Local Reverend) is completed with the Baptism Ceremony ... after he is already appointed as Reverend, he will have to baptize those other idiots who have carried the sand bags (Parish's Assistants). Of course, I will promise them some extra money!

For the role of Bishop, it is imperative to make a tattoo on the chest! Laughing

Posted: Fri May 25, 2018 6:05 am

Friday

- Nothing new from Denis in all these last hours, so lets "play the day!" Laughing

05.49 - The good and old Rev. Eduard:

Quote:

Dear son, I'm waiting for good news from you. I do not like to be ignored for 24 hours.

May the glorious Holy Lamb be with you!
Rev. Eduard

07.02 - Claude Postumier:

Quote:

Hi dear client Amoo_David,

I'm Claude Postumier, Customer Care Manager at TSC headquarter.

My duty is to be sure that all of our customers are happy with our services.

Please, let me know if you have any questions or dilemmas about the parcel # XYLFIMC31OW4USXX.

Claude

========================

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2205

YES! We needed another Bench of Admiration in Ghana! Laughing

Well done Birlic!

Posted: Fri May 25, 2018 7:21 am

^^^ Thank you for your appreciation's words!... your threads are a great source of amusement and inspiration for me! Chapeau bas! clapping

08.11 - Denis, to Claude (at TSC headquarter):

Quote:

Good morning sir,
The last we tracked it was in France but now is shows blank on map.We have not been contacted for the delivery,hopefully we have news today.please approximately when will you get to Ghana? Thank you very much.

Of course, Mr. Claude reply very amable and "profesional":

Quote:

Hi dear client Amoo_David,

According to my information, the parcel was loaded this morning in a Jet-cargo at Madrid International Airport - Spain. Directions to Algiers (Africa).

Probably your internet connection is not good, and you have to give Refresh. The computer system works, I checked now.

Regarding the time period, an exact answer can not be provided because everything depends on the intermediate airports and the air links.

From my experience in Africa, nothing is ever certain. I would realistic estimate an interval of 5-7 days until the parcel arrives near you.

Claude

08.30 - Denis, to Reverend Eduard... a very promising message! Laughing

Quote:

My Father,
Good Morning sir and how are you doing sir.am sorry for the delay in reply,we were out of power for over 24 hours in our area here in Accra due to some faults sir,and few of the people we worked together were not feeling well afterwards because none of us never did something like this,I was also tired and have joint pains.i am just checking my emails now sir.Yesterday,i had to gather as many sacks as we could so that we can finish the work by Sunday when we will have all of us around.We need over 120 sacks now to raise it up and by the end of today we would get all the sacks sir. I will be sending the full names and of the supposed parishioners by Sunday as well when all of us will hopefully complete the building of the Pyramid sir.I had also tracked the parcel sir and it shows blank right now,may be they are in the air but we have not been contacted yet for the delivery,hopefully we have news today sir.I shall update you at any development sir.We have not thought of how we plaster the pyramid but i think it will be beautiful to use tiles to cover it.Glory to the Holy Lamb.
Peace,
Brother Denis

So, we will have a very nice MoF (monument of the faith), covered with tiles. Muhahahaha!
Pastor Denis really deserve to be our next MUIE Bishop of Africa! Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Sep 2013 Posts: 2205

I love how eager he is! He will make a fine Bishop. Very Happy

Posted: Fri May 25, 2018 7:31 am

This is very promising. And he's so polite calling you 'sir' all the time.

Posted: Fri May 25, 2018 7:57 am

^^^ Ohh, yeah! Our dear pastor Denis deserves a special treatment! Laughing

08.55 - The old churchman Eduard, to our pastor Denis:

Quote:

Good morning my son,
I'm glad to hear some news from you, even if they are not the expected news. Denis, any day of delay in completing the admission process means a day of delay in our future plans!
Please do everything you can to finish with Monument of the Faith and celebrate your great Baptism Ceremony. To the Glory of the Holy Lamb!

I have serious intentions and big plans, because Africa is a continent where our holy church does not currently have a supreme Leader. The Bishop of Africa (BOA) "position" is the highest rank in the MUIE hierarchy and you (if you are appointed... and I will fight for it!) you will be a colleague with His Excellency Cardinal Euphrosie and our other high priests (cardinal Gherasim, Bishop Teodosie, Cardinal Sophronie, etc). Finally, we'll talk about it again.

I'm going to ask Secretary Nektarie to talk to the shipping company men, so we know the exact location of your parcel.
Be blessed, in the sacred name of our Holy Lamb!
Rev. Eduard

Baiting Guru Joined: 25 Jul 2017 Posts: 2107

You do realise that sometime in the future, archaeologists will come across multiple small pyramid structures in west Africa dating back to the 21st century. They will find concrete benches nearby and wonder what the purpose was as they seem to bear no astronomical alignment. Some pyramids apparently were covered in tile.
There will be international symposiums on the subject, students in anthropology will be writing doctoral thesis on the matter. The pyramids will be declared UNESCSO world heritage sites. Great careers will be made by learned academics as they link together fragmentary references to "Archie" and "Denis" the greatest builders of their time. They will ponder how a group of people, led by these viziers, would build these monuments, and then suddenly abandon them.

Posted: Fri May 25, 2018 10:26 am

Not quite a Newb Joined: 06 Apr 2016 Posts: 56

Eventually some very bright scholar will discover that the pyramids are linked and the builders worshipped a Romanian underground religion entirely dedicated to the art of MUIE.

Brighter scholars will eventually find the leader of the church is called George Birlic and his writings were followed eagerly by a group unknown to one another known as 'eaters'.

Amongst Birlic's disciples are some of the greatest scribes of the 21st Century.

I have alerted my household that I may be very busy this weekend.

Cricket match - England v Pakistan
Cycling - closing stages of Giro Italia
Monaco Grand Prix

Ezze and his creditors stredded in Continou
Edna pining for her lad stredded in Abuja
A completed, tiled pyramid in Ghana

Posted: Fri May 25, 2018 10:39 am

^^^ LOL! You are right! Twisted Evil

I can see "with my mind" headlines in the newspapers over 300 years:
"That small group of pyramids in the west of the African continent is of a recent nature and seems to be built for religious purposes... at the beginning of the 21st century, entire communities came under the influence of foreign religious cults." Laughing

11.27 - Secretary Nektarie, to our (still) pastorDenis... Our future African Bishop must prepare a team to work and scatter all the MUIE seeds. Right?

Quote:

Brother Dennis, I wish you a very good day!
Our dear Chancellor asked me to find out details about your package. Well, he's on his way to Africa (this night he was at the Spanish airport of Madrid).

Father Eduard also told me that he wants to appoint some Assistants for your Parish.
It's about those believers who have been with you in recent days and who are actively participating in community life?
If your answer is YES, let me tell you that they will have a special status in the Parish and will benefit from certain financial benefits.
How many people are with you? You have to decide what their number will be, but they can not be more than 12 (as Jesus had 12 disciples). OK?
In the case of these parishioners, the admission procedure is much simpler and involves only 3 things:
- Completing the Special Request for Membership (I will send it again, attached to the message ... it must be printed and filled in with blue-ink).
- "Proof of Faith" picture... I'm also sending you the model of the "sacred text" to be printed and kept in their hand.
- The Ceremony of their Baptism... will be done by you, as our Local MUIE Reverend and as their spiritual father!

So I'm waiting for the completed Requests (documents) + their photos according to the specifications above.
You will baptize them, but only after you will finish the Monument of the Faith and after your Baptism Ceremony will be accepted by our elders. Not before!

I hope everything is clear. If you have any questions about any of these issues, please inform me immediately.
Be blessed,
father Nektarie