Wish Good Mood

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Posted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:58 pm

... Scary lady with swans. *giggles*

Posted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 8:50 pm

I'm feeling a bit off today and my professional opinion is a case of the Norwegian Flu. I have all the classic symptoms plus the empty bottle of Linie Aquavit tells a horrible tale.

Duty calls however:

Quote:

Hello my angel Mals!

I am happy to read your letter! The trip to you is the big step for me also!
I too know you, only by e-mail, but I feel, that I should go to you and meet you!
Something prompts to me, that I should go to you! I love you and I am ready to go to you!
My angel, I wish to be near to you and to feel your care and warmly!
We will be happy, I promise you it! I am ready will make this step and to fly to you!
I never flied by planes, and I am afraid a little, but I am ready to go to you!
My angel, I have made to fly much to you. I have collected all papers for visa registration.
My visa will be able for 90 days! And then we can continue my visa!
Now it is necessary for me to pay cost of expenses of travel!
And consequently I ask you about the help. I need 960 dollars for pay!
You can use western union to send money. You should use my data:
My name: Crazy Swan Lady
City: ULYANOVSK
Country: Russia
I hope, you will make remittance and will write all information on it!
I have no bank account! I went to bank to open the account, but it borrows a lot of time
And still, I should pay additional money for account opening and so on.
The manager in bank has told to me, that western union the fastest and easy way for me and you!
I hope, you will make money transfer soon!
I wish to meet you! If you are capable to help me soon we will meet soon!
Only present, we will have what remarkable time together!
I have many dreams concerning us! It will be the best time!
I love you and I believe, that you are my Prince!

Of course you don't have a Bank account. You know you could have saved yourself a lot of time if you'd only told me that in your initial script. Sucks to be you Woman with really a strange name that when pronounced properly sounds like one has a mouth full of Gummy Worms after getting injected with Novocaine:

Quote:

Hey there my Russian Princess,

That picture sure is a pretty one with you all dressed up kinda like you is going to a fancy ball you is. Now I ain't got a lot of them Sunday Go Meeting clothes myself specially after Sgt. Yorkie done tore up my good khakis yes he did there Baby Doll.

Now Honey Gal I really needs you here with me but I sure do want you to get your money quick and safe too cause that's what you be deserving but by gawd that Banker of yours sure don't make no sense at all. So I figured that even if it does cost a bit of money for an account Honey Lover then I thinks I can afford it and all if your getting my meaning here. Heck Little Lady we could even send it right on to that Agent Feller then everything would be taken care of quick and easy it would.

Well I gots to go and water the tires talk and then go and talk to the DOT Feller cause he is looking anxious is.

Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:33 pm

First the Good News:

Quote:

Hello My Prince!

I wish to begin my letter three words: "I Love You"!)
My angel, I think about you, about us every minute! I think of days when we will be together...
We will be not not divided by any distance! I can take your hand, my love...
I think, that on my body will run "murashki".)
I do not know how to translate this word on your language)
And I hope, that you understand me?))) My angel, I love you!
I feel you in my heart! I wish to meet you soon!
Our dream will be a reality because I LOVE YOU, and YOU LOVE ME!?
We have found each other from millions people on the Planet!
It is necessary to make last step and we will be together!
Tomorrow I go to travel agency and I will ask their number of the bank account.
You can use the agency account to transfer them money for my travel?
I hope, you will answer me soon! I think about you, about us...
Your Princess, Kisses,)

Oh I nearly forgot the photo. Sometimes I can be such a Scatterbrain. Actually I was afraid that Medusa's cold stare might turn you bunch into stone and as RD used to say "It ain't Funny!"

As you can imagine, Mals is ecstatic:

Quote:

My Sweat Princess,

I sure do love you a whole bunch too! Now I don’t know what that Murashki word means but it sounds nice as long as it doesn’t itch too much I suppose. Phyllis down at the diner got herself a bad rash on her backside the other week and it sure looked agrivating it did. She said it was from trying on swimsuits over at the mall but I knows better I do. You see Phyllis don’t even knows how to swim let alone her fitting into one of them itsy bitsy things cause she makes Large Marge look like a little thing for sure she does.

So you’ll be seeing me soonest like you will? That’s sure great news that Agent Feller can helps us out but it mkes sense too it does. Hot Dawg I be going out tonight and celibating like a King I will cept my Queen with her long clawlike nails won’t be there joining me neither and that’s kinda sad it is. But I knows you are coming for me and the Shivers in my spine won’t ever let me forget that no it won’t and that’s something you can bank on! Maybe I’ll even pick some of those Africandesiacs just to make our first night real special like. Hmm what should I eats tonight then cause I wants so bad to have my Final Meal in style. I got it I’m heading over to Jakes for some Pulled Pork and Diry Rice and maybe I’ll even Splooge a bit on some Pot Lickers for starters.

My Love I can hardly wait and I knows I’m gonna break out in a Cold Sweat when you Kiss me I will and make everything all right! Now I’m feeling funny and maybe got some of that Murashki myself but I ain’t no doctor no I ain’t.

Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:40 pm

Yikes those are some claws!

Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:41 pm

Just looking at her gives me murashki.

Also, she looks like a victim of bad plastic surgery.

What's the code for the 'run for the hills!' smiley? Because RUN FOR THE HILLS!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Posted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:14 am

She doesn't scare me as much as her swans. Those claws could leave scars, how does she do anything with them long nails?

Hey Oscar, I have seen you mention Shiver, does he post here in the forums? I love him in the "Letters Archived" section (Shiver is the reason I became hooked on this site), but haven't seen him in the forums. I have to admit I usually only have time for this forum and sometimes HH&T and Main forums, but mostly only this one.

I will use search and see what I can find.

I love Mals, his way of speaking brings me warm and fuzzy feelings all the way from my head to toes. Wink

Posted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 7:30 am

Hey SBAH firstly I’m amazed that you can follow what Mals speaks of because I can’t follow half of it myself. The Shivers comments can be seen in two ways; paying Homage to Shiver Metimbers who founded Eater over ten years ago and the fact that Mals is deathly afraid of Creepy Swan Lady.

Shiver does pop in now and again but passed the reins on to Rover back in 2008 (I think).

Posted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 6:43 pm

Quote:

Hello my Love!

I am happy to receive your letter again! Thanks, that you have answered me soon.
Your letters give to me warmly and support. I cannot present my future without you!
We should be together! I hope, that you think also.
My angel, I dream of when we will meet for the first time.
It will be unusual! I think, that I am romantic person...
I feel, that you will love me and to concern me especially.
I do not doubt, that you that man whom I searched. You are my Love!
I am ready to shout about it! I wish to tell everything, that I love you!
I went to agency today and I have asked number of the account of my agent.
My agent call Svetlana, she has told, that you can use her number of the account and transfer money for its account.
When you can go to your bank and send 960 dollars to Svetlanas account , ok?
Information about account:

SWIFT: ALFARUMM
IBAN: Bunch o Numbers
Name of Bank: Alfa-Bank
holder name: Svetlana Sveaty Pits

I hope, you can make transfer soon!
My angel, please answer me soon! I will wait your letter...
Love, Love, Love...

Yup Mals got himself some Russian Swine for Dinner. Best tell whatshername how he feels:

Quote:

My Russian Princess,

Hearing thosed loving words make me shudder to the bone it does just thinking that you are one step closer to me. Why I reminds me of the time that me and Red went on down to Ike's Saloon and this pretty little number was talking me up real sweat like and she mentioned that i was the Feller who had a Basset hound named Dolly but I never did have no Basset hound named Dolly no I never. Sure i got one now called Sgt. Yorkie but thats a whole different ball of worms ain't it Baby Gal? So she was talking me up real nice but I could tell she weren't no sincere Woman like you is and then I found out later that she was actually a Man dressed up like a pretty little heifer she was and that's no lie no it ain't cause Momma never raised no liars. Imagine some Feller dressing up like a Gal and I tell you that Dude looked like a Lady. I'm telling you straight up she had the body of venus lord imagine my surprise.

Well i think that's enough of that cause it still gives the Shivers real bad like too so lets plan for us okay there Baby Lover? So if i can gets to the bank tomorrow you thinks you'd be here by the weekend? I gots to know cause I best clean up the place here and maybe put some fresh sheets on the bed too and all being a special occasion for sure it is. Maybe I'll even Frou Frou Sgt. Yorkie up a bit so that you can see him at his finest. Yup I think I'll go do that I will.

I have to back on out of here but leave all this with me darling,

I seldom get more than one account out of a Vlad but I do Keep on Truckin':

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqP8xAZqzsE

Posted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 7:02 pm

^^^^

Mals is easier to understand than lad speak! I think I understand Mals as I have spent many hours at the local dive bar in my younger days. My liver won't allow me to go anymore, but Mals reminds me of a few of the great friends I met along the way!

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 3:35 pm

^As odd as it sounds when I compose or chat as TruckerMals/John, I hear his voice inside my head. Perhaps it gets me into character or maybe just maybe I'm Batshit insane. Food for thought....

Quote:

Hello my love!

I am happy to read your letter again! Thanks, that you have written to me!
I look forward your letter always.
I open mine mailbox and I am happy, when I receive your letter!
My angel, I wish to meet you soon!
My angel, you has made transfer? What is the time it borrows?
As soon as you will make remittance, I will receive papers I can fly to you!
My dear, I should go now to take a shower and have a dream.
I want, that you were near to me now...

Quote:

Have a nice day, my Love!
Where are you? Please write me!
Miss you, my Prince!

Quote:

My Russian Princess,

I sure have done made that Transfer! over Gal we is gonna be together real soon like and I can almost feel your Cold breath on my neck now I can. Aww the Swan Bumps is something to behold they is.

Love,

On another note, some Jerk in my earshot was humming this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49EoV50oba0

Must not go Berserk.....

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 4:03 pm

In theatre arts, it's called 'getting into character'.

"Swan Bumps" wahahahahahahaha! Btw, 'murashki' means goosebumps, but literally translates as 'little antsies'. Misunderstanding it just a bit would be erm, small bugs. Yes, small bugs crawling all over your body... crabs?

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 4:10 pm

oscarpiles wrote:

On another note, some Jerk in my earshot was humming this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49EoV50oba0

Must not go Berserk.....

Now I have that in my head!! Thanks! But that's better I suppose then your kids singing this every day all damn day!

http://youtu.be/jofNR_WkoCE

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 8:09 pm

^That is pure Evil but I kinda like it.

Meanwhile back in Lower Swanovia:

Quote:

My love Mals!

I have decided to check up my mailbox, and you have written to me, my angel!
I am happy! On my person there is a smile when I see your letter!
To me very much to like to speak with you! I am happy, that you have appeared in my life!
Dear, I don't understand you make transfer or not?
I should go now to receive a shower! I would like, that you were near to me now.
I love you! Write me the letter soon!

Three messages in one day? This lazy Vlad has never done that before. Is it Love? Perish the thought:

Quote:

My Special Princess,

Aww your words is the sweatiest of them all they is and soon you will be getting Golden Showers and plenty of them tooand that's a for sure for sure! That makes me smile more than seeing that pretty picture of you by al them flowers though it is real nice too. Your beautiful words make me happier than a Flock of Swans wreaking havoc upon a some of that there wigeon grass it does.

Now Darling Baby Gal I did make the Transfer so you should be getting everything you is deserving real soon like if you get my Charlie Forty Roger? Well I best be hitting the Blacktop cause I gotta clear Shaky Town cause I gotta meet up with Rubber Duck later on. You see I ain't done seen that feller since we shot the line and we went for broke with a thousand screaming trucks and Eleven long haired friends of Jesus in a Chartreuse Micro-Bus.

So Darling I best get heading if you got a copy on?

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21155

He's that guy with the Men's Room sign on the passenger mud flap right? He was right in front of that thar Petercar and the Freighshaker.

Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 2:11 am

^Well that's a Big Ten Four it is Good Buddy!

I was Bitching earlier about Vlads getting off script or maybe me never getting them off script:

Quote:

Hello my Love!

You are my Prince! And I am your Princess! Hope, we can be together soon.
I think about you, I miss you very! And you?
How are you? Tell to me, what you do? How is your days?
I wish to skate in this weekend) Do you like the skates?
It would be amusing to go for a drive together! What do you think?
I have many dreams about our future. I wish to enjoy each minute.
I hope, we can meet soon! My angel, what is the time it is required, that money has been delivered the agent?
Also write data of your account, at least your full name, ok?
I have not understood a question: "So Darling I best get heading if you got a copy on?"
Please explain, ok? My love, I hope to receive your letter soon.
Please write to me, my Prince!
Kisses...

I know Baby Steps but Dang it all I feel like I arrived! Well Mals what has you to says fer yerself?? Please Splain yerself:

Quote:

My Russian Princess,

Aww Darling I thought you knew my name I did? Well just cause maybe I forgot I'm Mals Von Douche and it sure is nice to make your acquaintance. Hows that Lover Gal? Sorry if I talks funny cause sometimes don't understand me mosts of the time but somes do like all the time too okay? So I was heading on out which meant I was going driving away and wanted you to know you understood too but you didn't cause maybe we gots a Languish barrier or something too.

Now I used to strap on skates when I was a young un but since I been all growed up I haven't but it's been fun trying again on the Ponds here all frozen over when the Swans fly back to Capistrano or wherever these goes. Now driving I sure would like that cause you'd be my Little Seat Cushion sitting there next to me up real close poised to strike at at moment I can just see it now i can!

So I don't know all the fancy Bankering stuff like you does but I'm guessing that money will be there with that nice Agent Feller by Monday for sure for sure so you has a nice evening and I'll be dreaming bout you skating away on the thin ice of a new day I will. Me I be heading up north to HogTown cause I got a load of freight that just can't wait.

I'll catch you on the Flip Flop,

So in Celebration of having a Vlad read one line of one of my messages I bring you Russian Chicks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN4Dv8OYGac

Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:14 pm

Quote:

I'll catch you on the Flip Flop

I take the bus as I cannot drive (seizures) and I say this to the bus drivers all the time! Except I say "I might catch ya on the flip flop". No wonder I love Mals so much! We speak the same Laughing

Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 8:33 pm

Haha, one whole line! And Mals is <3.

Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 9:40 pm

Why does my Fantasy life Mirror Reality? Why? I had a busy day today and had a certain set of assigned tasks to complete before dark. Well it did work out even though there were some Hiccups along the way.

So I'm in the final stages of my agenda which included visiting a Neighbor and having a few Beers when (during a Pee Break) something very Sinister happened. The sky erupted with Flapping, I felt a Shiver down my neck and six count em six large White Birds descended upon me (a bit of an over Embellishment but bear with me okay?). After Zipping up,I went inside and mentioned this to my Friend asking if they were Snow Geese. He responded with "No those are Swans" "We've been seeing them all week out on the lake."

Yup tis an Omen:

Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 10:36 pm

I am going to send you a recipe for Roast Swan and you will never have to fear those evil birds again.

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21155

Del Norte must be a scary place! Ninja birds and all you had was a camera. This ain't right! No unitard, no headgear and no referee. This does not bode well for you!

Posted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 6:35 am

In the voice of JoaNNe wor1ey..............

Is that another Swan Joke?????????????????????????????

Laughing

Posted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 8:15 pm

Here's a first for this one as she has never mailed me on a Weekend before. I wonder what this could be about?

Quote:

Hello my Love Mals!

How are you? I am fine, because I read your letter and I write you this.
My honey, I miss you so much!
I do not know how to transmit you all my feelings for you one letter.
I wish to meet you and to whisper to you on an ear: "I love you"!
This my most important desire! I hope, it will be a reality!
Tomorrow I will come to the travel agency and I learn they have received money which you have sent!
I hope, money will be tomorrow at the agent.
I have specified your name, I remember, that yours name Mals Dinsdale)
You have sent 960 dollars, right?
My angel, here late already, and I should prepare for a dream.
I hope, that you will come in my dream...

Come in your what? Am confused!

Quote:

My Princess,

This is all so exciting it is knowing you will be here with me sooner than later and I will be in your icy clutch squeezing me tighter and tighter until there ain't no more squeezing to be done. Aww that sure sounds like a fine way to go Darling Gal cause then I'd go to my happy place all quiet like surrounded by my beloved Swans and will finally be free. Yes Honey Child Princess warrior I am finally at peace waiting for the inevitable for sure for sure.

Just imagining those long talons digging into my Backside is enough to make me be needing of some sort of professional help for the rest of my natural born life. Yes thats right sure enough it is, you has me trapped in your web for what will seem like an eternity you do waiting patiently to suck the juices from my quivering frame and that's a big ten four it is! I Mal de Tete will be with you until my cold lifeless carcass is tossed aside just like what happened to that Romeo Feller in that Play where they was wearing all them funny hats and talking like a bunch of Sissy Boys even though they weren't I don't think but I never did finish reading it neither cause I had to return it to the Library or pay a penalty I did.

Catch you on the Flip Flop,

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21155

^^^You might want to edit out that last name OP. It has gotten me busted before leaving Derrick's out there for Giggle to find.

Posted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 9:32 pm

I appreciate that as I have mistakenly left it out there before. The name has been edited though and for all of you 'Old Timers' out there I think you might be able to gather the real name from this photo:

If you can't, well you missed a fine era filled with Flatt and Scruggs, Fancy Pot Passers in the Billiard Room, Double Barrell Sling Shots, Cement Ponds and much much more....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtvTE3m5jpM

Ya'll come back now. Y'hear?

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21155

Why that little hooker! She sent me the same photo saying she loved me too.

Lester and Earl be some string pickin fellas!