Personally, I see nothing wrong with these answers...

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Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 2:34 pm

Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 2:55 pm

BWHAHAAHAHA! Makes me think of a couple of my answers!

Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 3:55 pm

Makes me wish I'd actually attended school. I'd have loved to fill in an exam like that.

Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 6:55 pm

Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 8:07 pm

That is so funny. Love the find x answer. Laughing

Here is another one

Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 10:18 pm

^^How did my paper get plagarized and put on the internet? It originally said "...boys are icky".

Posted: Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:16 pm

I've always liked this one...

> > > Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
> > > or endothermic (absorbs heat)?> > >> > >> > >
> > > Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
> > > using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and
> > > heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One
> > > student, however, wrote the following:> > >> > >
> > >> > > First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
> > > changing in time.> > >> > >> > >
> > > So we need to know the rate that souls are moving
> > > into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think
> > > that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
> > > Hell, it will not leave - therefore, no souls are
> > > leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell,
> > > lets look at the different religions that exist in
> > > the world today. Some of these religions state that
> > > if you are not a member of their religion, you will
> > > go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these
> > > religions and since people do not belong to more
> > > than one religion, we can project that all souls go
> > > to Hell.> > >> > >> > >
> > > With birth and death rates as they are, we can
> > > expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
> > > exponentially.> > >> > >> > >
> > > Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
> > > Hell since Boyle's Law states that in order for the
> > > temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same,
> > > the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
> > > This gives two possibilities:> > >> > >> > >
> > > 1.. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
> > > rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature
> > > and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
> > > breaks loose.
> > > 2.. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate
> > > faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
> > > temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
> > > freezes over> > >> > >
> > > So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to
> > > me by Ms Andrea Banyan during my Freshman year, that
> > > "...it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
> > > with you" and take into account the fact that I
> > > still have not had sexual relations with her, then,
> > > #2 cannot be true. Thus I am sure that Hell is
> > > exothermic and will not freeze.
> > >
> > > The student received the only "A" given!

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:53 am

Here are some (apparently) genuine GCSE English answers:

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.
In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died of this.
During the Renaissance, history began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America whilst cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 12:35 pm

Hahaha...reminds me of an answer to the final question of my Standard Grade (Scottish equivelant of GSCE's) french exam..

Basically, it was a cartoon picture of two men standing on a tiny desert island, and one is looking a bit miffed at the other, whilst saying something in French. The question was basically something along the lines of "Why is John angry with Fred?"

I couldnt be bothered working it out (I had failed anyway haha) so I just wrote " Because Fred has crashed Johns car". Laughing

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 3:04 pm

I can remember a music exam in school in which I tried hard to fail - I ended with 10 out of 100. the William Tell Overture told the story of the French struggle against the Swiss invaders and plenty of crap along those lines. Funny I hadn't thought of that for at least 15 years.

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 4:54 pm

Very soon after Hitchhikers Guide came out, my son used one of the quotes in an English exam.

Not knowing the answer he said "it counterpoints the surrealism of the underlying metaphor"

The teacher wrote "wrong answer but better than any other answer given"

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:25 pm

A pal in standard grade RMPS came into the exam high off his brain, sat down at his table, wrote "God is a monkey" on the paper and passed out.

Best. Exam. Ever. Invigilator said "Now look, if you're just going to waste time, you may as well leave". Everyone left.

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:31 pm

One time in my statistics class I was taking a multiple choice final exam. My grade was already a B, regardless of what I made on the exam. So, on the bubble sheet I just alternated between a, b, c, d and e letter choices. I made a nice zig zag. Well, come to find out, the test only had A-D on it, so I got an even worse grade. My grade ended up being somewhere abouts a 15. Not only that, but there was one angry teacher. Should have never told me it didn�t matter what I made on the exam. That was the same teacher that took my pillow away one day in class. Laughing

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:40 pm

At school we had to do quite a long translation from German to French. A friend of mine translated only the headline: "Im Haushaltswarengesch�ft" to "Dans La Quincaillerie" and capitulated. Five mistakes in three words!

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 8:05 pm

Speaking of anectodes about school. First of all: I have always been a brat and I have never been able to keep my mouth shut in school. I never did anything REALLY bad, I have just been a pain in the arse for some of my teachers (you couldn�t imagine that, did you??? Laughing

).

So here are some of my "heroic" acts Wink

- I sometimes got kicked out of class from a certain teacher, cause I was disturbing his lessons sometimes by chatting with others. Everytime I got kicked out, I had to hold down the doorhandle from outside, so that he knew I was still there. Well, it happened that the shape of the door handle had the form of an "U", so I simply stuck my wallet into it, so that it stayed down and went for a smoke Wink

(I was 18 or so then, so was allowed to smoke Wink

). When I came back with something to eat in my hands, my teacher waited outside the classroom and gave me a funny look. After that, everytime he kicked me out, he added: "And no smoking and don�t get yourself something to eat" Laughing

- Same teacher. He happened to have what we call in german "fades Auge", which means, that one eyes is more closed than the other. During one test he thought he would have caught me cheating (cheating in school is nothing special here in austria, and everyone does it and the teachers know about it). When he told me, that I was cheating, I only replied: "You couldn�t have seen this with 1 1/2 eye" Wink

- Same teacher again. When thinking of it now, I really wonder that he didn�t kill me back then. So I got kicked out of class again. After getting bored outside I went to a neighbour class and borrowed a piece of paper and a pen. I wrote "May I come back in?" on the paper and pushed it under the door into the classroom. A few minutes later it came back out the same way with a big "NOOOO" written on it. He did have a fine sense of humour too Laughing

- I once glued a coin onto the stone floor in front of the class door with super glue. It was fun to watch all the people trying to pick it up. It stayed there for a LOOOONG time Laughing

- Same teacher as above: When already owning a car, I came late to class and told the teacher that I had problems with the car. He looked at me (I have always been on the heavy side), grinned and asked: "Did the axle break?" Laughing

- Another teacher. A really mean, but also funny guy. Beginning of class, where he always tested the stuff we learned last time. So he looked at me, grinned and said: "BC, raise your arm please". I did so, and his reply was: "Goood, we have a volunteer...tell me what you know about...." Sneaky bastard... Laughing

Posted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 9:39 pm

This one cracks me up every time:

Quote:

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam:

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied:

"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.

The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer that showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer."

"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."

"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T =2 pi sqr root (l /g)."

"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."

"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building."

"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."

Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 9:54 am

I smuggled a piece of ferrous sulfide and a small bottle of acid into a physics class and at the end of the class popped the ferrous sulfide into the acid and hid it behind the pipes under a sink.

They had to evacuate a whole wing of the school. For those who are chemically challenged, ferrous sulfide plus acid produces hydrogen sulfide - rotten egg gas.

Twisted Evil

Oh, and for a school fund raiser gala we sold balloons inflated with hydrogen at 25 cents each. We tied each balloon to a piece of string with a half knot and many of them came undone right in the school hall where we had our stall. We tied another balloon to a long piece of string and put a patch of tape on the top of it and charged 10 cents to retrieve the balloons.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 10 Jun 2005 Posts: 54

I was doing Equity at law school, which probably is the hardest subject in law school. People were sent mad by the course, and every year many students freaked out. There also had been a tradition of bomb threats being made in the test.

It was a 3 hour paper, 4 essays. I spent an hour and a half on the 1st essay, and realised I was going to fail. I was pondering repeating 4th year, the shame, my average going down the toilet..being unemployed and begging with a tin cup...when suddenly a policeman ran into the exam room and said 'There's been a bomb threat made, everyone out of the building now!.'

The exam was postponed to a date 2 weeks later, and I was able to cram and pass - with a 58 all up. How different might things have been, if someone had not decided to make a bomb threat on that day.

Oh..btw - no bomb went off.

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