Game of TWATs, As Far Away as Timbuktu

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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 4:21 pm

Quote:

Has anyone noticed that the keyboard Prosper is using seems to be set for French type and predictive text?

^^ We did notice that, and yes - it's interesting Smile

So, today is another day. And, sadly, it seems that Anita 'n Omar are being more than a little remiss with their rescue mission, as Prosper has emailed 3 times today (so far!),
sounding as if he's entering full meltdown mode:

Quote:

Anita i am at thé police Hand i can not teak à photo, i
sell my Phone. I am useing one of thé police Man, thé best ls to give
me the hôtel phone number or any person Phone number un Mali if you that you
love me pls do this To me now ,look for a Phone number and give me the polic
want To teak me To court monday morinig ,le no one did not come for me today ,

What is thé name of the hotel?
Give me the hotel Phone number?
I did not know the name of the police station

Pls give me number To call now , who can b ring me To you

Followed by this one at lunchtime:

Quote:

i am at Sahara passion resort .abaradjiou, at timbuktu, they
are teaking me To court if no one come for me from now till monday , pls call
this number xxxxxxxx or give me thé hotel Phone number or any body that work
at thé hôtel, pils do this now, i am lost the hôtel address that u people give me
they say that there was à bobm baster there that there was no one there

That is why the polici hold me

Pls call or give me number To call at Mali pls do this now

And now this, 2 hours ago:

Quote:

I am now at timbuktu. Sahara passion resort. abaradjiou puartier
.north of the flamme de la paix .can you come there an pick now .
Give me your Phone number or you can call me on xxxxxxxx teak à taxi and use
bis number and call me , i am boy going To have acess tu e-mail

He's sold his phone and is using the policeman's?
They are going to "teak him to court" tomorrow if we don't pick him up?
He is lost?
There was a "bobm baster"?
If Anita loves him she will come to rescue him?

Gosh, I sure hope he's found in time! Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3876

^^

I guess, it could be important that he informs them that he is a TWAT. it might be the only true thing he is telling the policemen...

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 5:09 pm

And so to Prosper's fourth email of today! Anita finally got round to responding to his 3 earlier messages, with this fun email:

Anita wrote:

Why r u still at the polic station, my luv? They surly cant teak u 2 court becoz u r lost? I just now
saw ur massages becoz Omar took me on a camel ride 2day, can u believe it?? OMG it was so
much fun, but they r sooooo smelly!

We r just back and I am going 2 ask Omar to come with me to find u. We did try 2 find u last
nite but didn't c where u were. Hold on my luv, we will try again!

Well, Prosper doesn't seem to be too grateful for the help. This response came less than 5 minutes after Anita's message:

Quote:

What type of preson are you i told what happing To me and the have
mind to go on a car ride What is hard for toi tu give me any number To call, give me the hotel Phone
number? What is the name of the hotel? And the hotel address ,or did u want me To go back
To m'y country in thé morinig?

I think he's asking how Anita could go off on a camel ride with her new friend Omar while he is languishing at a police station Very Happy

But of course, the last thing we want him to do is to start his journey home tomorrow.....

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 5:41 pm

Quote:

Gosh, I sure hope he's found in time! Very Happy

Grate lair Laughing

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2016 11:45 am

Oh man. This is pure gold.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

"Of course the last thing we want him to do is start his journey home tomorrow". - it would be really good if you can keep the flame of hope alive a little longer. However, I seem to remember that it was not much later after this stage that even "Pastor Omar" turned tail for home. Nevertheless, from what we have heard from Prosper, Omar had considerably more unfortunate and uncomfortable experiences to deal with.

How will he afford the journey home, btw? Is there any way of relieving him of anymore potential financial resources?

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2016 3:40 pm

With any luck, the Timbuktu police will load him on a bus with just enough fare to get him to the next town.

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2016 8:20 pm

At this point, we're not really sure what's going on, because Prosper himself is giving us conflicting statements.

In one email, he seems to be saying that he is at the police station and is going to be deported. Then, in the next email, he is telling us that he is at the Sahara Passion hotel and needs for us to pick him up. And in an even later email, he offers to meet us at our new hotel, if only we give him a name and number of the new place.

So which of these situations is true? I've heard that lads may tell a lie once in a while so ... I really don't know. Every time Prosper has complained about being out of money, he's miraculously managed to come up with some without needing to sell any of his electronic devices, so I'm guessing he has some resources coming in from somewhere. (And I'm still getting Skype calls so he hasn't sold his phone yet.)

If he really is going to be deported, there's not much we can do about that. (Although it is pretty damn funny...) And, as frustrated as he may be, I don't think he's quite ready to turn around and make the return trip yet. But, again, who knows? So, I guess we shall see what we shall see.

Baiting Guru Joined: 10 Oct 2010 Posts: 3876

^^^^

Quote:

Every time Prosper has complained about being out of money, he's miraculously managed to come up with some without needing to sell any of his electronic devices,

he wasn't even close to kampala, wasn't he? so how did he get turds magic purse? the one that always contains another 10$.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2016 4:44 am

^^^ Lads might be dumb, but they *are* canny and street-smart. If you plunked me down into a car park in Bamako, I'd be lucky if I could make it for 24 hours without going bugshit, but some of our lads manage to *thrive* in those environments.

Prosper even described himself to Anita as a "street boy" so, for some reason, I have a feeling that things probably aren't quite as grim as he lets on, and there's more money than we realize.

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2016 5:59 am

^ Indeed. You just have to look the great Turd himself for a prime example of this. As gullible and delusional and perpetually intoxicated as he may have been, Turd was uniquely skilled in surviving in unimaginably hash conditions for long stretches, and clearly talented at charming and/or conning locals into helping him out. Its just a shame that those skills didn't include being able to work out when strangers on the internet were lying to him. Laughing

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

I really miss poor, horrible Turd, *sigh*. He was a bundle of strange contradictions, though, wasn't he?

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2016 7:25 pm

Just a quick update, followed by one of the best damn emails I have ever received...

Prosper is still in Timbuktu, he has not been deported yet, and he has still not met any of us to bring him back to our hotel (a/k/a the "TWAT Hole"). Quite understandably, he's wondering what the hell is going on and why no one can give him the name/address/phone number of the hotel. That's actually a pretty reasonable request and, since none of us could come up with a reasonable answer, we needed to get a little silly:

Quote:

I know you must be fraudstrated right now, because it seems as if We are running around like chickens without their heads. While this is some thing that I had hoped to reveal to you after you had officially joined Our Church, it seems that I must now tell you some of the secrets of Our Church.

While Our Church is very powerful, and while We try to keep out of the spot light as much as possible, We do have some enemies who are always trying to bring Us down and to lessen Our power. Well, to make a long story short, these people some how found out that We were waiting for you at the first hotel and they threatened Us with an attack. Well, naturally, We needed to switch hotels very quickly and secretively before they could act.

While We would love to be able to communicate to you the name of the new hotel, We are afraid that our phone communications may be tapped, and there is even a chance that Our computer lines in Tombouctou have been harked. One of the reasons that I left Tombouctou so suddenly was so I could work with Our Department of Network Security to see if We could pin point the nature of the data breach.

But, to make a long story short, We cannot communicate to you the hotel We are staying at because of the risk of an informations leak. So, We need to have <OMAR> and <ANITA> (two people who are not yet known to Our enemies) meet you some where and bring you to Our new hotel. The only problem is that We do not know where you are. Some times you tell Us you are at the police station and sometimes you tell Us you are at the Sahara passion parce of flam.

Please, My Son, I beg of you; let <OMAR> and <ANITA> know where you are and when they can meet you so that they can bring you back to Our new hotel. Once We get you there, Ben (well, <DOVER> to you) will be able to explain everything.

Go in peace, and I beg that you accept My apologies for all this confusion.

Yeah, yeah ... I know this was a pretty high-risk maneuver but how else could we explain why no one has been able to give Prosper the name of the hotel for four freakin' days?

Prosper, unfazed by his inclusion in a holy war, came back with an email that shows his complete lack of self-awareness and/or irony:

Quote:

William omar is a scam and Anita is a big for nothing . how will you people meet some one and the other thin is to make him a pastor is that how you work,? I have work do hard on this . but omar didn't do any thin

Omar is not a Christian . I have been emailing Anita for the past five days now and she did not want to ans my email.

The reason why the police a resent me (I think he's trying to say here that the police arrested him, not that they resent him. But, really, it's Prosper, so who knows?) is because the two address that you people give no one is there the other one is an empty place at the hotel one one is there .

I want you to tell Anita that I did not want anything to happened to my gifts that david for china give to me and my Brother paule
Because if any happened to the gifts I must Make sure that she pay for it.

The police teak me to Court and the next thin is to send me back to my country.

Because I did not know were I am going to.

Tell me what is the name of the new hotel?

That is all I want . what is the name of the new hotel?

Wow. He's (supposedly) being deported, and his biggest concern is making sure that Anita pays for his gifts if he doesn't get them. What a prince, and what an exemplary man of god. And, is it just me, or does anyone else get the impression he doesn't like Omar very much?

Then, on top of that, who would ever believe that our church would just meet someone and make them a pastor because they were really nice? (And remember -- in our bait continuity, we've at least met Omar; to date, no one in the church has yet met Prosper...)

Things aren't over yet, folks, not by a long shot...

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2016 8:08 pm

Anita is a fool? A "big for nothing"?

Well, that's gratitude for you! Laughing

Oh, and Prosper is majorly pissed off that while he was 'surfering' in the custody of police who resent him, Anita had gone off on a camel ride with
Omar. Or, as Prosper called it, a "cowel reid" Shocked

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 05 Mar 2009 Posts: 580

Looks like Prosper has his phone back, that last email doesn't seem to have any of the diacritical marks of his previous ones. Wonder if he still wearing the dirty teal outfit? In the previous pictures, he doesn't seem to have any bags or luggage with him, did he not even bother to bring a change of clothes or the white robe?

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2016 11:17 pm

No change of clothes, no robe, and no holy onion.

We are trying to get a picture, but he still maintains that he sold his phone.

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2016 11:49 pm

It's almost like a lightning bolt has struck Prosper's pretty little head.

We think he's remembered that there are some pretty expensive gifts waiting for him. Like the Rolex watches and other expensive stuff he was to receive from his friends in the
church. And suddenly that's the focus of his emails to Anita:

Quote:

Anita give Ben all the gift that my friend David give to me . since you did not want to
tell me the name of the new hotel.

Let nothing happened to my gifts. Because I will not be happy with you if anything
happened to my gifts. I promises you in the name of God.
You leave me here because of some one els .

There is no problem God will make a way

Thanks for what you have don for me

Your lover boy prosper

("Your lover boy Prosper"? Ewwwww).

That email was followed half an hour - yes, 30 minutes! - later by this:

Quote:

Anita give Ben all the gift that my friend David give to me . since you did not want
to tell me the name of the new hotel.

Let nothing happened to my gifts. Beca

I think the last word might have been him starting to write "Because", but he either ran out of steam, words, or oxygen. Let's all hope it's not the latter, of course.....

So it seems he's pretty upset about something. Possibly it's the fact that he suspects Omar is, not to put too fine a point on it, a chancer. Not to worry! Anita has reassured him:

Quote:

Awwww, my sweet Prosper! Please, ur not 2 wurry about ur gifts, my silly boy ...... they r safe
and snug and sound! They r locked in a box and I keep the key in my bra. Why r u
being so mean 2 me? U no what is happening with the hotel and what is going on!
I hate it here, its soooo dusty an it makes me sneez, so what about me? U shud b
more worried about me, my luv, becoz every1 stairs at me here, I don't no why!

Thank God 4 Omar, he is being sooooo sweet and kind, I don't no what id do if he
wasn't around right now. Ive been so scared and he has even offered 2 sleep
in my room to keep me safe, isn't that nice of him? Please my luv, think of all
we have gone thru, we r 2 close to fail now? I was out late with Omar 2nite but
2moro morning we'll try again 2 find u.

Where exactly r u? U said u were at the polis station, then at the old hotel, then
at some flam place. tell us exactly where u r!

I'm sure that key is perfectly safe and sound, tucked in Anita's bra .... nothing for Prosper to worry about Rolling Eyes

Oh - and given that lads seem to really hate being called "silly" (silly, isn't it?), I thought we'd press those buttons too.

Elite Baiter Joined: 28 Mar 2015 Posts: 1916

Lol - love it. I was just so hoping for the gifts to end up in the hands of dear, sweet, helpful Omar, who is doing such a good job of protecting Anita and must surely have nearly finished his Pyramid of Faith, by now.

However, don't suppose it will be long before that key ever-so-mysteriously disappears. Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 6:56 am

^^^
along with Anita's virginity xD

Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 3:25 pm

^^^ Sorry, dude, I'm pretty sure that's long gone and never to return...

Has anyone else noticed Prosper's deportation date keeps changing? First he was supposed to be deported on Monday, then it was on Wednesday (well, "wesday" in Prosper-ese), and now it's Friday. That's why it's bad for baiters to set hard'n'fast deadlines for our lads -- it looks suspicious as hell when the deadlines keep magically changing.

I also love how this illustrates so well the golden rule of baiting: Lads Always Lie. While it it would be perfectly natural for Prosper to say he's frustrated with us and he's going to give up and go home if we don't pick him up, he still feels the need to lie and claim he's being deported ("the police teak me to Court and the next thin is to send me back to my country. Because I did not know were I am going to."). I mean, I don't know about y'all but -- if I were in danger of being deported because I didn't know where I was going -- I think I'd make up a destination pretty damn quickly.

Anyway, on with the show. Here's Phystme's next email to Prosper:

Quote:

Did you not under stand My last email?

We cannot tell you the name of Our new hotel because We are afraid that Our activities are being monitored by Our enemies.

That is exactly why I have asked Ben (well, <DOVER> to you) to have <OMAR> and <ANITA> (two people who Our enemies do not yet know) to meet you and bring you to Our new hotel. If you are at the Sahara passion parce of flam, then I need you to stay there so <OMAR> and <ANITA> can find you and bring you to Us.

All I ask, My Friend, is that you hang in there. Once <OMAR> and <ANITA> pick you and bring you to Us, We will be able to fully explain and all shall be clear.

Remember way back when, when I said that I couldn't wait until Prosper got desperate once he realized he was stredded because I knew he would be kicking out some amazing emails? Check this one out:

Quote:

William . this is just a big bull sheet. You people have don you're best for doing this to me.
I have been at the police station for the pass six days now on one cone for me .
Sahara passion parce of flam, is an empty place . I and the police man have been there from morinig to night no one come.
I sell my I phone to cone here I did not have access to check my email.

I use the police man phone to check my emil.

You are there telling me that you people have some fucking enmeys that is why u did not want to tell me the name of the new hotel.

I am don with this brother . I am not a fool that you people will be fooling around.

My life is much important to me before I will end up in jail

Thanks

Well. I guess he put me in my place, didn't he? He is certainly not a fool that "we people" will be fooling around. No sirree, Bob.

And, once again, let's look at the golden rule of baiting. He's trying to convince me he's being deported, then he tells me the very nice policeman quite helpfully sat with him all day at the Sahara passion parce of flam. Even better, he's still claiming he sold his iPhone to travel to Timbuktu, even though he is asking Anita and Ben to call him and, on top of that, is calling the church's phone number.

Yeah, this guy's a flippin' idiot.

Even though this last email was just begging for a big ol' slap-a-roo, that's not how we work. Instead, Phystme forwarded the email to Ben:

Quote:

Ben,

What in the name of the Good Lord Above (hallowed be his name) is going on over there?

I leave Tombouctou for a couple of days and now your Initiate thinks he can write and tell Me that Our Church -- the Church you and I built from a one-room building -- is just a big bull sheet?

And, then, when I opened up to your Initiate and brought some of Our Secrets to the Light and revealed to him some inconvenient truths, he thinks he has the right to throw Our fucking enmeys in My face and to tell Me he am don with this?

We have struggled with this young man. He built a substandard Monument of Faith. He missed Our FIRE event. We sent Our Elders halfway around the world to meet him at Tombouctou and he showed up late and without his Sacred Robes and his Holy Onion. And, now, after THIS, he still expects Us to put him on Our payroll and to set him up as a Minister in his country?

Now do you see why it is I was so taken with <OMAR> when first We met him? That young man is kind, courteous, respectful, and diligent and I am sure that he will be an asset to Our Church and that he shall do his level best to spread TWAT where ever he goes. You know I have had my doubts about your Initiate but I permitted you to pursue this because I know you saw something special in him. But now? I think it may be best if We call this off and give to <OMAR> the funding that We had set aside for this Prosper person.

Ben responds to Phystme and Prosper:

Quote:

I have copied Prosper on this email. For some reason, Anita and Omar have just been unable to contact Prosper. They're fooling around and not doing their job. I don't understand it. Prosper has been there for three weeks now. Can you imagine that?!

Please don't be mad at Prosper. I know it's partly his fault for not arriving when he said he would. But this whole part is not his fault.

I'll be honest, I haven't been able to find Anita. She's with Omar and they were supposed to find us a new hotel. I gave them $10,000 to make the reservations. Prosper and I don't even know what hotel it is. Sad

I've been out of the city doing mission work. I have not been able to meet him. I don't know where to stay.

Please, I know the easy thing to do would be to just give Omar the money that Prosper was going to get. But please don't. That would be nearly $500,000 for Omar. And nothing for Prosper. Something about that feels wrong. Please be patient with him.

I'm gonna go back to the city and try to find them.

Prosper, where can we meet?

Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 5:22 pm

So Anita and Omar are loose in Timbuktu with $10,000. That's a lot of camel rides Very Happy

Poor Prosper, looks like he's gonna lose his TWAT money and his girl. What else can go wrong Very Happy

Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 5:50 pm

I believe the saying, in this case, is "He is certainly not a fool ... No sirree, Omar."

Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 6:40 pm

This thread is just a big bull sheet.

Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 8:55 pm

Poor ol' Prosper. He didn't like Phystme's last email one bit. No sirree, Bo ... um, Omar.

Quote:

William i took you ask My father .but you have thé mind to do such big thin to me. i am just a young boy trying to saver God

Since i was bon i have not travail out befroe.

But because of you people .i did this .now iam at thé place that you people told me to Côme i did not sée any one .

I have been at thé police station for one week one Côme for me.

Today is making it three week that i am on this jourely.

If it is you how will you fille?

And you have thé mind to tell Ben to leave me and Côme back.

Good may God bless you

I don't know why, but the French accent (I think it's a grave) over the "o" in "Côme" is completely cracking me up. On the scale of unnecessary accents, it's way cooler than the umlaut "o" in Motörhead, but not quite as cool as the umlaut "n" in Spinal Tap.

Anyway, Phystme gets back to Ben's good cop email and of course includes Prosper in the response:

Quote:

If you are going to copy <PROSPER> on Our communications, then I shall do the same.

Ben, My friend, We needs must get this situation put to bed soonest. We have already spent far too much time with one Initiate when We have other pressing concerns that We needs must address. If you think there is any possibility of salvaging this Initiate then, by all means, do so. However, you needs must under stand that I shall now consider him to be your responsibility.

Now, on a more important note, am I to under stand that you cannot find <OMAR> and <ANITA>? Please ... keep me updated as to what is going on with them and their where abouts.

Good luck in finding every one, and in finding a new hotel for Us in Tombouctou.

Now ... where on earth could Omar and Anita be???

Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2016 9:38 pm

Brando Flux wrote:

This thread is just a big bull sheet.

You got that right. Very Happy

Before she went "missing", Anita continued to email Prosper, starting early yesterday morning with this chirpy message:

Anita wrote:

Gud morning my luv and how was ur nite?

Have u eaten? I am just waiting 4 chef 2 bring me my breakfast, I asked for stredded
wheat this morning (yum!), then I am going 2 get omar and we r going 2 go out.
My sweet u didnt reply 2 me 2 say exactly where u r, so we r going 2 look for
the sarah passion parc of flam and we will meet u there ok?

There was no answer to that, so she tried again later in the afternoon:

Quote:

My luv, where r u? Omar and me have been luking for u all day! We asked sum
people where the parc flam was, and they just staired at us like we had 3 heads.
An old man even told me 2 go inside and cover myself, how rude!

R u hiding sumwhere, my luv? Are u scaired of sum1 or sum thin, is that why
u r hiding?

Anyway we walked for like HOURS and my feet were killing me and I was sooo
hungry, and u no what? Omar had brung a picnic with him! I cud have kissed
him! We went to sum place called the plass lil pondens, or sum thin like that.
People were still stairing, tho, and I wish they wud stop.

Ive cum back 2 the hotel now to send u this massage. U need 2 tell us where
u r, so can u reply 2 me? Please? Why r u not talking 2 me?

After hearing nothing all day, suddenly 3 emails arrived within the space of 10 minutes. Either there was a hideous delay in them winging their way from Timbuktu, or Prosper was
just getting round to checking his inbox.

Quote:

Anita why is that you can not tell me the name of the hotel? Here is my phone
number [redacted] take a taxi use the taxi man phone to call me and I will pass
the phone to people here and they will tell the taxi man where to come .

That is all you can do for me rigth now . I will be going back to mt country first
thin Friday morinig .

If you love me do this for me now.

Followed minutes later by:

Quote:

I am at Sahara passion parce of flam, you and omar should teak a taxi use the
taxi man phone call my number or you can use omar phone to call my number
here is my number [redacted].

Call me now or I will be going back to my country first thin Friday morinig that
is what the police told me

And, 10 minutes or so later, the third one:

Quote:

When you get to Sahara passion parce of flam,call my number take a taxi . I am
there

Given that these emails all arrived at about 7:30-8:00 in the evening, he was ever so slightly a little bit late to the party. And he calls Anita "a big fool" and "a big nothing"??? Rolling Eyes

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