Phone Baiter's favourite personal lines

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Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 1:33 pm

I believe that those of us who call Lads in character develop our personal catch phrases. What this says about us I can only guess.

As Captain Mal, I've developed a few.

"Let's skip the pleasantries."

"I'm not your brother" (it used to be "Don't call me that!" but I think it's not as effective).

"Bubba-Louie" - reveals a lack of respect or trust

So, phone baiters, what are your very own catch phrases?

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 2:14 pm

'You don't have the brains to be a guyman'

'I don't have enough crayons (colours/crayolas) to explain it to you.'

And since the specialty is romance...

'What kind of small boi asks his woman to pay the bills? Aren't you a man yet?'

'Why have they not circumcised you yet? (Lad indignation) O RLY? You don't act like it.'

'Were you circumcised or castrated?'

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 2:18 pm

"Ask a small child to explain it to you" - after a lad's continued inability to understand simple directions.

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 2:52 pm

Two lines that Mal uses to head off specific modalities:

"I don't know anything about investment. I'm a retired US Marine."

"I can't get you into Australia... I'm an American citizen."

And for orphans:

"Don't call me daddy! I am not your father!"

"Are you crying? DON'T! Be a man!"

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 6:53 pm

Quote:

" I can't get you into Australia... I'm an American citizen"

Oooo yes. That works...

"I can't invite you here. I'm only a resident here, my citizenship is US"
Followed by "But I'm not IN America." .... then "no, I don't plan to return soon."

Sometimes they go away. Usually they invite me to go there instead. :::sigh:::

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2016 9:00 pm

Randy has a favourite line:

Quote:

Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me... How old is your mudda?

Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2016 1:22 am

^ And then he gets really crude...

Various insults relating to (lack of) brains that I've used on Lads include:

"You have all the brains of a (kumquat/marshmallow/zucchini"

"I wouldn't trust you to run a candyfloss stand"

And something that nearly always derails a Lad's train of thought:

"I'm a atheist. I don't believe in god - any god."

Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2016 3:56 am

I don't personally phone bait, but here is a line I have used in e-mail that should work well. "I think you must be telling me the truth, because you are clearly too stupid to lie."

Baiting Guru Joined: 17 Sep 2006 Posts: 5905

In response to what is going on? "I don't know what is going on?"

In response to how long until you send the money? "How long is a piece of string"

"Turn that f****** stupid voice morph off!!! I can't understand a word you are saying!!!"

"Listen, listen, listen, listen, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN (until they shut up)"

Posted: Sun May 01, 2016 11:03 am

"Shut up!" is something I use a lot on Lads who run off at the mouth, which happens frequently.

"Bullshit! Anyone can lie!" is my riposte when a Lad says "I cannot lie to you" (one of the most fatuous statements ever).

Posted: Sun May 01, 2016 1:07 pm

"hello, hello, hello, hello?" Until you get a response. Ginger Lee had a great routine-almost singing to the lad.

Posted: Sun May 01, 2016 8:20 pm

When a male scammer tried to morph to a female voice:

"Do you have a head cold? You almost sound like a man."

"Yes, yes."

"Are you taking anything for it? I would recommend Thorazine."

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