An open letter to "The Only One"

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Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 6:55 am

Dear "The Only One",

I write to you to inform that you should act immediately. For some reason unknown to me you are, perhaps unintentionally, confusing many people around the world and for the sake of humanity I wish it would stop as soon as possible. Are you aware of those people who believe they are Elvis or Napoleon? Normally you would perhaps be flattered to hear that you have been elevated into such company, but unfortunately in this case it is perhaps not as pleasant thought to you as it might otherwise be.

However, I regret to inform you that this is, in fact, the case. Many young forum posters around the world seem to be confused with their identity and they are unsure if they are them or you. You may find evidence of this by going to almost any international forum in the internet. Browse for only a while and you will find several threads titled with the question "am I the only one?", and many also include this question in their actual posts.

I urge you to set this matter straight, because I feel pity for these poor souls. Imagine how they must feel, being all alone in the world with their thoughts and ideas and trying to affirm if anyone else has ever had such radical thoughts as, you know, chewing bubblegum or seeing something as exotic as a crow. Truly, the very fact that they need to affirm their identity by asking these questions in public from the whole world truly speaks for the dire situation these poor and, I hasten to add, often young people must have gotten into.

It is a widely known fact that feeling ostracized from the world and not finding any peer support will lead to all sorts of problems and to the deterioration of an individual's life. We, the mere mortals, can only do so much to help our neighbors by from time and again letting them know that no, they are not the only ones, there are others who like shrimps in their pizza as well. But this is only treating the symptom, not the actual disease. The disease continues and, unfortunately dear "The Only One", it continues to spread because of your inaction.

Therefore, because I actually know that I am not the only one concerned for this, I urge you to do something to stop this malady from plaguing us. You, dear "The Only One" should really register to every single forum in the world and make a public announcement to let everyone know that there can only be one the only one and none of these confused and lost individuals are you any more than they are Elvis or Napoleon. I know that this might sound like a drastic measure and truly time consuming for you, but I see no alternative. This absolutely has to stop. We must save the sanity of all the special snowflakes out there before they start truly believing that they are the only ones in the world to ever forget their keys home and start some mad scheme of conquering the world or something similarly dangerous.

Furthermore, we have to save the sanity of the rest of the forum goers in the world by stopping the threads concerning your identity from popping up and having to constantly guide the afflicted persons into understanding that among the several billions of people there are in the world, they are truly not the first people ever in the history of the mankind to leave the toilet's door open. I fear that if the disease continues to spread, it might turn into an epidemic where we all think we are you and finally start fighting among ourselves to decide who really is you. The inevitable result of this, of course, would be that in several years there would actually finally be a person who is the only one in the world. For a few days at least.

Therefore and with all due respect, dear "The Only One", I wish to bring this situation to your knowledge and expect you to act without a delay for the benefit of the mankind. Failure to comply would obviously harm not only the world, but you as well, and therefore I am sure you are reasonable enough to get concerned over this now that you have been properly informed. Please make your identity known to the public and for the love of any possible divine entity, make this madness stop!

Sincerely,
Duckling

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 5:04 pm

Am I the only one who is missing the point of this?
(Egad, I fell very stupid right now.)

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 5:10 pm

You can't be the only one because I'm the only one who anticipated that reply already when I was writing that little rant. Stop your false only oneness at once or I am forced to de-onlyoneidate you. Evil or Very Mad

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 5:31 pm

Do I get only one warning?
<<<L.G. ducks--appropriately given the other party involved>>>

Hey, if I just ducked, does that make me a "duckling?" Wait.. so that means that if I am a duckling and Duckling is a duckling, Duckling CAN't be the only one! I have a headache now.

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 5:38 pm

Am I the only one that... oh my.Two Ducklings here instead of one. Even better, I'll get my hound and my shotgun and start heating up the skillet.

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 6:20 pm

LG, I think we should make a temporary truce here and get rid of Tururut before we continue. He is the only one here who has something against ducklings.

Posted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 6:28 pm

Tururut doesn't appear to have anything against Ducklings in my Humble Opinion nor does he have anything against Orange Sauce for that matter....

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

Duckling wrote:

We must save the sanity of all the special snowflakes out there before they start truly believing that they are the only ones in the world to ever forget their keys home and start some mad scheme of conquering the world or something similarly dangerous.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:49 am

What ring of Hell is this? Confused

EDIT: "Which ring of hell" is what I meant. I have my head in Fake Banks, so would someone be kind enough to explain?

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:55 am

^I think Barry is back but don't tell anyone okay?

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:28 am

^^That would be fun. Cool

EDIT: It wasn't fun at all, actually. He (LZ) refused to teach 'abstract algebra' unless I was under 16 years of age and was very interested in my cheerleading career.

I will quietly barf now. Mad

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:20 am

I confuze

Duckling? what happened to the damned Swans??

Inquiring minds want to kno................................

Oh nevr mine I just be confuze

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:43 am

This is why we have a PWT thread. Wink

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:50 am

Well, in my own defense I have to insist that the original post's rant was actually supposed to have a point. But it sort of fled in terror as soon as it saw the light of the day.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 9:20 am

Am so confuse.

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:57 am

I checked the members list to see who this 'The Only One' member was, who's been stoking Duckling's ire. No such member. Luckily, my acute sense of laziness prevented me from being the first to reply. Razz

Then I thought Duckling might be referring to that song called The One and Only

Posted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 12:43 am

Quote:

fled in terror as soon as it saw the light of the day.

Sounds like my date last week. Shocked

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