Laddish Quotes from Non-lads

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Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 4:37 pm

I couldn't help but laugh today when I got this message in my Inbox:

My manager wrote:

As a reminder, please let's protect the trust that we established within our group today as we try to do some great work that is meant to advise key decision makers we support.

This is from my RL day job manager, after a three hour meeting in which we discussed whether we should be having a meeting. (If you ever wonder where I get the motivation to slap lads around, look no further.)

Anyone else have any funny quotes you've gotten from friends, family, or coworkers that remind you of your pets?

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 5:47 pm

Quote:

after a three hour meeting in which we discussed whether we should be having a meeting.

Oh come on don't leave us guessing Exclamation

What was the decision Question

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:14 pm

^^^

I kid you not, the decision was to table the discussion for a future meeting.

Posted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 7:13 pm

My manager wrote:

As a reminder, please let's protect the trust that we established within our group today as we try to do some great work that is meant to advise key decision makers we support.

redo wrote:

Am interested.

Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 10:38 am

redo wrote:

after a three hour meeting in which we discussed whether we should be having a meeting.

Sounds like my office. We had a 4 hour meeting last week to discuss an upcoming project, and still nobody has any idea what's going on. I think I won the meeting bingo match when I heard the phrases: "Economic growth", "strategic objectives" and, bizarrely, "ripple effect".

Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 3:45 pm

My last job was a contract with a company several states away. We had a weekly phone conference meeting where the small local team rarely said anything, and all the ogas (hehehe) at the head office told us what we were doing wrong. We actually had bingo cards Very Happy

Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 4:29 pm

Lacking "synergy" and "resilience"? Let's try to be more "transparent".

By the way, I need those TPS reports by noon, with the proper cover sheet.

Posted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 9:32 pm

Badgerbait wrote:

Lacking "synergy" and "resilience"?

A boss once gave a stirring speech in which he told us that we needed to achieve synergy.

Call for questions; I asked him what he meant by synergy.

I got the Hateful Stare.

Posted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 9:10 am

Yastreb wrote:

Call for questions; I asked him what he meant by synergy.

I'd last about two minutes in a corporate job. Security, would be quick marching me to the back exit in no time. Laughing

I can't remember the specifics... My first job/apprenticeship from school, was in electrical engineering. It was in the mid 70's at the peak (or nadir) of bad management/union relations in the UK.

Some shop-floor wag, popped a slip in the suggestion box asking management to try and go at least one month without coming up with any new pointless time and motion directives (which was all the rage then), or great ideas designed to streamline production and maintenance schedules, as we had been at this a long time and knew what we were doing.

Course, they figured out in no time that they'd all be out of a job if they took that advice. Well, you never saw more great ideas and inspiring directives spew out of head office in all your life after that stunt. All of it would qualify as lad speak. In fact. I think they must have gone into writing lad scripts now I come to think of it. Rolling Eyes

I stuck it for six months then left for a new career.

Posted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:25 pm

My ears pricked up when I was half listening to the news, and a UN representative mentioned 'modalities', a word usually I only hear in ladspeak.

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 5:49 pm

I inadvertently sent a message to a Customer today and received this:

Quote:

Was this meant for me?

Are they Baiting me? I didn't even mention an Inheritance....

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 5:51 pm

Hope you have your script ready, Oscar Wink

Posted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:48 pm

^This script might need a few tweaks but it's close:

Quote:

You are welcome to desk of Chief Hon,Oscar Piles by Name promoting and defending integrity and juictic. We here at Netwrk services are working towards a 100% Risky Free solutions to your problems and Mission statement.
His Excellency Mr. President Pastor Frank the Unclean mandated us to handle your payment and make sure that you receive your IP Address without any delay as he is trying to rebulid the good image of this fine organization with our foreign conterparts all over the worl
Be rest assured that upon receipt of the deliverying fee of CDN 185$,we will proceed in delivering of your consignment to you immediately. For security reasons endeavour to indicate this ( CODE NUMBER ) ( CDXIX) this code shows that you are the rightful owner of this IP address.
Am Impatiently waiting yours respond,
Chef Hon, Oscar Piles

Posted: Fri Aug 30, 2013 1:39 am

When my 4-year old wants my attention or thinks he is being ignored he says "Listen to me, listen to me mama."

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