Laddish death threats are the new rants? *Some swearing*

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Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 3:36 pm

My sister sent me this today, asking if it was a lad rant. She saw it being used somewhere. I immediately thought of thedevguy, and wondered if one of his works of art had got out in to the wild.

While viewing a music video earlier on YT, someone used the first paragraph to settle a dispute. All it lacks is thunder and lightening on your future generations.

Quote:

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo."

Baiting Guru Joined: 27 Mar 2011 Posts: 21155

Junior, step away from the PlayStation! lol First Shiva is gracing with showers of gold, now the Medal of Honor killers are raining down the brown! Poor old Chesty is rolling in his grave!

Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 4:21 pm

Whatever happened to the elegant "Ur an idiot"? Sad

I am so borrowing this for my next rogue CIA agent character.

Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 5:43 pm

Quote:

...and your IP is being traced right now...

You might wanna change that part to something a bit less specific though. No need to mention that to a lad.

Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 9:26 pm

That's not a Lad; that's a Mall Ninja.

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

Sample:

Quote:

My “Black-Ops” history ensures that you will never know about the missions I accepted in my younger days, and Vietnam still shudders when it hears the name of a an assasin so skillful and deadly, he is remembered decades later.

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 7:47 am

Quote:

I am trained in gorilla warfare

That part tells me all I need to know about this ar**h*le Laughing

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 8:52 am

Quote:

I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills

I've seen this line hundreds of times. Absolutely everybody who comments on youtube videos is a special ops veteran with hundreds of kills racked up. It's becoming the standard copy-pasta for internet tough guys.
In fact I think I've seen this exact rant, word for word, quite a few times before.

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

I just sent that to SOOI.

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 1:09 pm

It's also a popular meme on 4chan

Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2013 4:15 pm

Quote:

I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals

I wish he had graduated from a primary school too and learned using paragraphs. TL;DR.

Posted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 12:43 pm

Pastor Frank wrote:

I just sent that to SOOI.

I think SOOI knows already.

Quote:

The Mall Ninja is easily distinguished by an abundance of “tactical” gear, such as fatigues, a thigh holster (with, of course, a Glock), combat boots, bandolier and other accouterments that you’d usually only see on a SWAT operative. Median age is usually 19-25, and they tend to boast about their various exploits with certain Special Forces units, all of which they’re too young and idiotic to have joined (real Special Forces types don’t brag). They typically have opinions on everything, regardless of expertise, they are uniformly poor shots, and they tend to exhibit a frightening lack of safety training.

Sound familiar?

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